Of Innocence and Experience
by twice the rogue
Summary: Spock was sent to Earth after fighting with boys on Vulcan, there he meet and formed a friendship with Jim. After an accident the boys don't speak until fifteen years later  movie events  Will they be able to renew the friendship they once had?
1. Chapter 1

**Of Innocence and Experience.**

Disclaimer: I do not own star trek and by writing this I am not making any profit off of it or it's characters.

So this is a bit of an introduction chapter, basically Spock and Kirk knew each other as children (2nd chapter, written but not typed up, explains how.) but at the time of the film have not seen each other in 15 years. I'll be writing mainly in the past showing Spock and Jim's growing friendship and where everything went wrong and when in the present I'll show how their childhood experiences fits in with how they interact with each other during the Nero conflict.

**Present Day.**

Jim stood facing the star fleet board of directors fully confident he would get out of this situation, after all didn't he get out of every situation, eventually. He decided the best way would be to attack the programmer who had made the kobayashi maru unwinnable, he was obviously at fault, there was no such thing as an unwinnable situation.

" I believe I have the right to face my accuser directly."

" This is commander Spock, he is one of our most distinguished graduates. He has programmed the Kobayashi Maru exam for the last four years."

Jim's head swiveled in surprise to the direction Admiral Barret was looking.

Spock, it couldn't be, he looked at the man who stood up, the man who raised from the seat was almost unrecognizable as the boy he had once known. The eleven year old boy he had met was small for his age, this man was tall, slim but with definite muscles. The boys hair had always been messy, this man did not have a hair out of place. The man straightened his uniform in a familiar manner and Jim felt his mind being dragged into the past. Jim looked at the the cool unemotional eyes that had once been such wells of emotion.

**Fifteen years ago.**

_Jim winced as he cut his hand with the stolen knife. He passed it to his friend who raised his eyebrow slightly but didn't argue, he had learnt over the months not to ask Jim the logic of his actions. Spokh didn't batter an eyelid as he took the knife and sliced his palm, dark green blood seeped out of the wound. No matter how many times Jim saw his friends blood he still found it cool. Jim held his bloodied hand out, Spokh hesitated. _

_" You know this could spread blood born infections?" _

_" I know Spock." _

_Jim took the boys hand in his own and they pressed their palms together for a full minute. Jim could always read Spokhs eyes even if the rest of their class thought him incapable of emotion and called him a robot. He could tell Spokh was both moved and sad. _

_" Now we're blood brothers." Jim said releasing his friends hand._

_" And we'll be friends for the rest of your life."_

_" No matter how far we are from each other." Jim promised._

_"Indeed and when we are adults we will start a life insurance company together, one that will cover death by being blown up by insane Romans so Nobody else's mother will have to work off planet and leave their children with step fathers."_

_Jim looked at the best friend he had ever had, the one person in the world who cared about him and who he loved in return. The person who he was about to be separated from. Spock was going back to Vulcan, but it would be alright. They were going to message each other every day and Spock said he would come to earth with his father and they would be together again. He reached over and hugged his overly rational friend. Spokh stiffened but after a moment his muscles loosened and he hugged him back and Jim felt they it was all going to be alright after all._

**Present Day.**

Jim shifted uncomfortably as Spock walked down the stairs, he had not known Spock was at the academy. He had never seen him, or had he? Not recognizing the boy inside the man had he ignored him? Not spared him a second glance.

He had no idea how to react to his old friend, especially knowing he was his accuser. He would never have thought Spock capable of that. He glanced down at the thin white scar on his palm, it had been a few months fifteen years ago, why should he still feel the betrayal. Spock had been his only childhood friend, until he had come to the academy and met Bones he had been the only friend he had ever had. Jim closed his palm and looked at the man standing across from him, he couldn't loose his cool, not now, not when his career rested on the next few minutes.

" Cadet Kirk you somehow managed to install and activate a subroutine in the programming code. Therefore changing the conditions of the test."

" Your point being?"

Jim had seen installing the subroutine as the only way to win the test, if there doesn't seem to be a straightforward answer look outside the box. Wasn't that something Spokh himself had told him fifteen years ago.

"_If the situation seems unwinable but the conditions can be altered then altering said conditions may change the outcome of situation._

" In academic vernacular you cheated."

"Let me ask you something I think we all know the answer to. The test itself is a cheat, isn't it? You programmed it to be unwinable."

" Your argument precludes the possibility of a non-win scenario."

" I don't believe in no win scenarios."

" Then not only did you violate the rules, you also failed to understand the principal."

"Please, enlighten me?"

" You of all people should know, Cadet Kirk, the captain cannot cheat death."

Jim felt his heart pounding in his chest, he wasn't really saying what he thought he was saying, was he?

" I of all people?"

" Your father, Lieutenant George Kirk, assumed command of his vessel before being killed in action did he not?

He was shocked, he couldn't believe that Spock would bring his father against him, the things he had opened up to Spock about all those years ago, all those middle of the night conversations, all those secrets told, the promise to be friends forever. Where was that boy and how did he become so malicious? For the first time he realized this was not his old friend Spokh and if he wanted to survive this he had to attack with as much force if not more. Hadn't he learnt that early in life? And in the hardest of ways.

" I don't think you like the fact that I beat your test."

" Furthermore, you have failed to divine the purpose of the test."

" Enlighten me again."

" The purpose is to experience fear, fear in the face of certain death."

The memories continued to push their way into Jim's mind.

**15 year ago.**

_Spock was pale, very pale and his skin was cold. Spock was never cold, and he looked small in the Big hospital bed. Jim held his hand, it felt like a very grown up thing to do, to hold somebody's hand when they're ill and in hospital and it's all your fault. Jim was more afraid than he'd ever been in his life, he was more afraid than when he had almost fallen of the cliff with his dads car. He was afraid Spock was going to die. He was afraid the nurses would come and he wouldn't be allowed to stay here and then he'd never see Spock again because if he lived they'd take him far far away where it was always hot so he wouldn't be sick anymore. He was afraid that when Spocks parents came they'd shout at him and tell him what he already suspected, that he'd killed his best friend. And he was scared that every time he closed his eyes to sleep he would see Spock's eyes, Spock's scared eyes when he had realized he was stuck, when he had realized he would die and then that strange calm terrifyingly resolute expression that had come over his face. _

**Present Day**

"To accept that fear, and maintain control of oneself and ones crew. This is a quality expected in every star fleet captain."

That was it then, that was what this was all about, Spock blamed him for what had happened all those years ago, he still held a grudge, held Jim accountable for the actions of a scared, mucked up eight year old boy and now he had finally got the opportunity to make Jim pay for it.

A messenger came up to Admiral Barret, Jim watched him wondering if somehow they had uncovered more evidence against him.

" Excuse me sir." A notice was handed to Barret.

Jim looked over at Spock as Barret read the note, Spock raised his eyebrow in an infuriating manner almost as if he we daring Jim to accuse him of pettiness, too bring up their childhood friendship.

" We've received a distress call from Vulcan."

Jim relaxed, Spock tensed.

The primary fleet was light-years away, the current cadets would be deployed, Jim would get a chance to prove himself in active duty and if the mission lasted long enough and he was clever enough by the time they got back the charges against him would be dropped.

All the cadets behind him stood up, he watched Spock walk away, the mans movements were so tense surely anybody could see that behind that steady demeanor he was worried and agitated. McCoy came up to Jim.

" Who was that pointy eared bastard." He asked think how fifteen years could change somebody so much.

" I don't know, but I like him." McCoy answered.

So, tell me if you think I should continue, the second chapters going to be Spock's POV and will show how he came to met Kirk as a child.


	2. Chapter 2

Of innocence and experience.

Chapter two.

**Present**

" The cadets name was James Tiberious Kirk."

Spock struggled to keep the shock off his face at the sound of the name he had not heard in almost fifteen years. He knew it was him, even though he swore he would never join star fleet it had to be him. Tiberious was a rare name. That paired with Jim Kirk, it could only be one person.

" Commander?" The lab assistance who had been talking to him tried to get his attention.

" My apologies Ensign, I was distracted. Send me the cadets file and a report of your findings."

" Yes Commander."

Spock headed straight to his apartment. He needed to think, he needed to meditate and clear his mind from emotional turmoil. He couldn't even identify what he was experiencing, an anxious hurt confusion with lots of complications thrown in for good measure.

He hardly noticed the walk to his apartment but when he had firmly locked the door behind him he pushed the sofa out of the way, placed three candles on the coffee table and threw a meditation mat on the floor. He took a deep breath, lighted the candles, settled cross legged on the floor and emerged himself in his breathing slowly sinking down, back down into the past to find answers to the present.

**15 years ago.**

_They were arguing about him again, they were always arguing about him. He sat, half hidden listening to them._

_" My son does not belong in a correctional school."_

_" At the school he will witness what becomes of those that cannot control their anger. " His fathers voice never rose above it's usual loudness even though his mothers always became shrill and louder as they argued. _

_" They'll tease him as well."_

_" I don't doubt it. Those who are different in some manner are often made an example of, but at the school he will learn to control his anger, they are not Vulcan's and he will know that if he chooses to use violence he will damage them. That knowledge will inhibit him and teach him to deal with situations without emotional outbursts."_

_" They've been teasing him for months and he only hit out at them today because they insulted the both of us, that shows loyalty."_

_" A human attribute."_

_" A good one."_

_" There is no point in arguing this matter Amanda. It has been arranged and attending a Human correctional facility to cure his human side.."'_

_" Cure." His mother screeched._

_" Is the only way the school will accept him back. If he shows no other signs of violence they will accept him back without a tarnished record."_

_" What about the other boys, will they be punished?"_

_" No. They didn't commit an act of violence."_

_" They've been teasing him for months, one pushed him."_

_" Spokh was never in any real danger. "_

_" Tell me do Vulcan's ever walk away from each other when they can no longer stand the sight of each other."_

_" No." _

_He watched his mother stormed away, his father stared after her for a moment. _

_His mother knelt beside him in front of the big white building that was the school rooms and dormitory of the Iowa school for boys, under the blue welcome sign it said in smaller writing ' for troubled youths, helping them rediscover the right path'. _

_" It's perfectly natural to be nervous Spokh."_

_" I am not nervous mother."_

_" I know, but if you were, it would be okay."_

_The woman who came to welcome them at the reception was of Asian decent, smaller than his mother but quite fat. She wore a blue pant suite that did not look right on her. She shook her fathers hand obviously not knowing that it is offensive to touch a Vulcan you are Not a family member of._

_"I'm Mrs. Seymour the vice principle, welcome to Iowa." She smiled down at Spock._

_" You must be Spock."_

_"Spokh, yes."_

_" Spock." She responded mispronouncing his name again. Spock's eyes drifted to his mother who gave him an encouraging nod._

_" Spock will suffice." He said._

_" Okay then Spock, it's nice to meet you, we've never had a Vulcan child here before. This is probably very different from your schools but you'll get used to it there's no reason to be scared."_

_" Fear is illogical."_

_Mrs. Seymour looked a little put out by this response she turned to his mother._

_" Well, isn't he the little trouper."_

_Mrs. Seymour showed them around the school, it was as Mrs. Seymour had said, different. The pupils were taught in classes by a teacher like his mother had been. Spock was attending classes in English, physics, chemistry (which were his favorites) biology, mathematics, federation planets and laws, physical education, mechanics and computer skills. To Spock this curriculum seemed rather basic._

_" You're roommate's called Jim, he's only eight he's skipped three years, very intelligent boy."_

_" Why is he here?" Spock's mother asked. Spock already knew that the boys here had all been suspended from ordinary schools due to various reasons, Spock knew that he had acted violently, something that all Vulcan's had to avoid otherwise the planet could revert back to the violent chaotic state it had been in before the time of Surek. He accepted that he had come here to learn to control his instincts better, to see what a world ruled by emotions was like, to see these youths filled with anger and be warned against it. It was only three months, he would get through it ad return to Vulcan and continue with his studies with a clean record. _

_" He drove his fathers vintage car off a cliff." Mrs. Seymour answered. " But he's working on his issues with the school psychiatrist. I'm sure he and Spock will be good friends."_

_Spock noticed the look that passed between his mother and father._

_" Yes, I'm sure." His mother said in the polite tone that she used when agreeing to something that she didn't actually believe._

_When it came time for his parents to leave his mother bent to hug him, he was embarrassed at the public affection. _

_" Call me if anything goes wrong." She whispered in Vulcan. " Promise me Spock."_

_" I will mother."_

_Then he was alone, on a planet he had only visited briefly on two occasions._

_He was shown to his room. There was a boy sat on one of the two beds, he was smaller than Spock, obviously younger and he had messy blonde hair, he barely glanced up when he entered. Spock thanked Mrs. Seymour, before she left she gave him a timetable and a pat on the shoulder that Spock decided was meant to be reassuring even if it disturbed him to be touched by anyone other than his mother._

_Spock turned to take in his roommate more closely, he had never had to share a room before but he guessed it was going to be an exercise in patience. The boy was sprawled in an undignified manner on the bed, he was reading a thin paper book that seemed to consist mainly of brightly colored pictures, there were articles of what he presumed to be this boys clothing strewn across the floor. This did not bode well. _

_" Hello, I am Spokh, I am your new roommate."_

_The boy looked up._

_" James Tiberious Kirk." Spock could read the touches of arrogance in his tone. He had heard his father describe the earth officials they had met on previous visits as arrogant so he knew the concept even if he had rarely seen it. Spokh started to unpack his bags neatly folding the newly bought uniform and earth clothing into the small chest next to the unoccupied bed, which for some reason he could not understand looked as if somebody had jumped repeatedly on it. When he had finished packing he stopped to consider what to do next, dinner was scheduled at over an hour away and he noticed on his time table that the library was closed on Mondays, which apparently, according to the seven day schedule system they used on Earth was today. He turned to his roommate._

_" Mr. Kirk."_

_The boy looked up, this time seeming to give him his full attention, at least for a moment. Spock had been told by his mother that he would fit in better on Earth if he learnt to use small talk, he thought about what little he knew about his roommate trying to come up with a topic of conversation._

_" I heard that you drove a vintage car of a cliff. What was the logic behind your actions?"_

_" What's with the ears?" _

_" I am Vulcan. Vulcan's have evolved more sensitive hearing than Humans."_

_" Well La De DA." The boy looked back at his book._

_" I am sorry, I do not know the meaning of that phrase."_

_The boy ignored him, not allowing himself to become annoyed Spock found another topic of conversation._

_" I am from Vulcan, are you familiar with the planet?"_

_" Never been there if that's what you mean, never meet anybody from there either."_

_" I am from Vulcan and you have met me."_

_Kirk didn't answer again. Spock, sat on his bed he decided he could just sit and wait till it was time for the evening meal but glancing at Kirk again he decided to have one more try._

_"Mr. Kirk."_

_" What now?"_

_" The library is closed and I wondered if you had another book that you would permit me to read."_

_Kirk seemed to stare at him for a long time though Spock knew it was only 23 seconds, then the boy bent over and pulled the sheets of the bed up revealing a pile of six paper books and several electronic ones. Spock knelt on the floor and surveyed the titles, he was actually surprised to see they were all science journals. It seemed he had something in common with the Earth boy after all._

_" Are you looking at pursuing a career in science?"_

_Blue eyes stared down at his. Blue eyes were extremely rare on Vulcan so it was a somewhat novel experience and something about them unsettled him, despite the fact that being unsettled by a genetic feature is not logical._

_" Are you?"_

_The fact the boy had yet again avoided a question was not lost on Spock._

_" Yes."_

_The boy gave a somewhat approving nod. Spock picked out a book on teleporting theory and went to sit at the single (unused) desk_

**Present Day**

Spock was disturbed by the buzzing of his door bell, he looked at the clock on his wall 19:00, Nyota was coming round tonight. He had not forgotten but he had been somewhat distracted and his day had not gone in the way that he had planned.

He opened the door, Nyota smiled widely at him in a way that always made his stomach do a little flip, not that he'd admit that to anybody except her and then only in very open post- coital moments. She had changed out of her uniform into Jeans and a silky half casual half formal blouse.

" Come in Nyota."

As she walked into his apartment her eyes alighted on the mat on the floor.

" Did I disturb your mediation?"

" Yes but it is of no matter, you have arrived at the time I had invited you to arrive at."

She gave a little smile and reached back to brush her fingers lightly across his in a silent and intimate greeting.

Nyota's head was resting lightly on his chest as he lazily stroked his fingers up and down her spine. He always felt the most relaxed at time like these. Nyota's fingers tickled across his chest and stroked down his arm seeking his hand, he reached up so they could entwine their fingers together.

" Are you going to tell me what's bothering you?"

" What makes you think something is bothering me?"

She sat up the blanket falling from around her shoulder, she shot him a look that he had grown to understand meant ' I know what you're feeling, there's no point in denying it, so just answer the damned question.' For some reason that was completely unfathomable to him Spock adored that look. He sat up and kissed her lightly before wrapping his arm around her and pulling her back down onto the bed.

" You are aware of the incident yesterday with the Kobayashi maru simulation?"

" Of course, I was there."

" Evidence points towards the programs coding having been tampered with. It is logical to assume that the person who tampered with the test was the one who had the most to gain from it."

" Jim Kirk."

" Yes."

Spock paused, he remembered that Nyota had mentioned somebody she called Kirk on several occasions, Spock had always assumed that this had been a first name but now he realized that she had been referring to Jim Kirk all along and due to the fact she had never once called him by his full name he had never discovered that his childhood friend was at the academy. How this had occurred he did not know.

" Tell me what you know of Jim Kirk?"

" He's from Iowa, he's arrogant, he flirts with anything that move, he gets top marks in everything without even trying. He can't bare to lose or be beaten in anything, he's completely reckless." Nyota shrugged as if she could think of no other attributes to assign to him.

" He has not changed then. I would have thought he would have lost a few of those characteristics as he grew up."

Nyota sat up again and looked down at him with puzzled eyes.

" You know him?"

Spock hesitated, he had only just made the discovery himself that day and he was not sure if he had thought the situation through enough to be sharing it with somebody else, but he's last remark had let so much go that it seemed unavoidable not to continue.

" You recall I told you about my time on earth when I was eleven and attended the Iowa school for boys."

Nyota nodded, her brows moving together as if she had already worked out the puzzle but couldn't quite believe the answer was correct.

" I told you of the deep friendship I shared there with a boy three years my junior, a boy named Jim."

She gave a small gasp at her suspicions being confirmed.

" Jim Kirk was your best friend?"

" Indeed."

She shook her head.

" I don't believe it."

" It is true, I know that it seems an unlikely friendship and it was but it was strong despite our differences."

" Jim saved your life."

" Indeed, but he has cheated and the academy wants to make an example of him. I have been ordered to collect the evidence against him."

" Oh Spokh."

" The fact that I owe Jim Kirk my life is inconsequential, it was fifteen years ago. I must not allow any personal emotions I have on the matter to affect how I carry out my duty."

* * *

Quick Note: Vulcan's pronounce Spock, Spohk. I originally put that spelling throughout the story but it cause some confusion so now I have shanged that but I still have the Vulcan characters using the Vulcan pronunciation( and Nyota because as a linguistics genius she'd pronounce it the Vulcan way.)


	3. Chapter 3

**15 years ago.**

_Spock learnt three things about Jim the first week. He always sat at the back of the class, he got in a fight every other day and he didn't like Spock. Or at least Jim didn't want to talk to him, though Jim never seemed to want to speak to anybody and when he did the aforementioned fights were soon to start. Spock wanted Jim to talk to him, he wasn't sure if this was a good thing to want given the usual consequences but Spock did want it. He had tried to be amicable, he had tried small talk, he had tried patient silence, but still after the first day Jim had only said five sentences to him._

_" No."_

_" Are you some kind of Buddhist hippie or something?"_

_"What ever."_

_" Piss off."_

_And the most complicated utterance:_

_" I know you've hot some anal alien thing going on but if I throw my clothes on the floor I don't want them to be folded on the chair in the morning."_

_Mrs. Seymour had said one sentence to him._

_" I don't care if you're a Vulcan all little boys need sleep, lights out means lights out." He had tried to explain that because he only slept four hours lights out for eight meant there was four hours a day that he was being unproductive when he could be learning, she hadn't listened._

_His other teachers had started out with fake friendliness and concern but after he had told them their curriculum's were nowhere as advanced or as effective as those he had had on Vulcan and that due to Vulcan teaching methods teachers were practically supervisors on Vulcan they had started to ignore him. _

_None of the other students talked to him, they talked at him, shouting various insults and xenophobic comments as he walked past. On Vulcan he had been insulted for being half human, for having human eyes and being weaker and smaller than the other boys. Here he heard insults about his ears, his manner of speech, and after the embarrassing experience of having to share a communal shower after a physical exercise called 'football', green dick. He had had too look up on the computers what that particular phrase was referring too and felt somewhat embarrassed when he had found out. _

_It was on the seventh night when Spock was meditating on the floor two hours after lights out that Jim flung himself onto Spock's bed. _

_Spock tried to ignore him and center himself, he had had a particularly bad day, he had received something called a detention, which he took as some kind of punishment where he would temporarily be detained somewhere, he had corrected the mechanics teachers calculations, the teacher hadn't admitted to his mistake and he was given the detention for talking in class and arguing with a teacher. Spock felt he had learnt an important lesson on the pride of humans._

_"Hey Spock."_

_" Mr. Kirk, may I help you?"_

_" Yeah you can, I want some chocolate."_

_" Perhaps they will serve some at dinner tomorrow."_

_Spock answered, he knew of the food substance Jim was referring too, despite it lacking nutritional value the boys seemed to prefer it to other food stuffs. Spock himself had never tried it, he always opted for fruit._

_" Yeah but I want chocolate now! And they never give us chocolate, they give us chocolate cake or chocolate pudding not chocolate chocolate." The younger boy ranted jumping up and down on Spock's be in a fashion that Spock decided was not really meant to irritate him but just to keep his attention.  
_

_Spock gave up mediating and unfolded his arms and legs._

_" Then what do you suggest ?" He asked.  
_

_" We sneak down to the kitchen and get some."_

_" The rules state no students out of their rooms past lights out."_

_" The rules suck."' _

_" Rules cannot suck.."_

_His sentence was cut short by a loud and over exaggerated sigh from Jim. _

_" Look, are you in or out?"_

_" In or out of what?"_

_" You want to know something about humans? That's why your here isn't it? To get a taste of the human experience? Well humans break the rules sometimes."_

_" No, I am here to witness what happens when emotions are not controlled."_

_" Whatever." He heard Jim shuffling around then the creak of the door as it opened._

_" Last chance Greenie."_

_Spock froze, he had an idea, it was an illogical idea based on an illogical desire. He had wanted Jim to talk to him all week, now Jim was talking to him, perhaps if he helped Jim obtain chocolate then Jim would continue to talk to him and listen to his advice on further occasions when the boy was about to break rules. In fact, if he gained the younger boys respect and friendship then couldn't he guide the boy against further illogical actions more effectivly? _

_" I will come, but may I request that you don't call me Greenie again."'_

_" No deal, but even splits."  
_

_" Even Splits?"_

_" Yeah, come on. You're lookout."

* * *

_**Present day.**

" Spock." Spock was interrupted by nyota's voice, he had been so deep in thought that he had not noticed her awaken. He looked down at Nyota she stared back at him with worried eyes.

" Sleep Nyota."

" I can't."

" Shall I make you some soothing tea?"

"I can't sleep because you're mumbling."

Spock's eyebrows shot up.

" I do not mummble."

" I know, well at least I've never heard you mumbling before. Do you want to talk about it?"

Spock considered the question, he still could not get Jim off his mind. It seemed his brain wanted to replay his ever memory of what occurred fifteen years previously. Perhaps this was needed, perhaps he had too come to terms that Jim was now here at the academy and was still making bad decisions, but he was an adult now. He would be twenty- three, he had to face the consequences of his actions and it had fallen on Spock to start the ball rolling on those consequences. He felt an emotional turmoil that he couldn't explain, his memories of Jim were just that memories, they should have no effect on the here and now but still Spock found himself feeling guilt and regret at what he had to do and some reminiscence of fondness for Jim. He even felt a small happy humour mixed with sadness as he reminisced.

" No, I want chocolate." Spock said.

Nyota sat up at his words.

" Chocolate? But I thought you said that chocolate made you drunk."

* * *

**15 years ago.**

_Spock looked at the strange dark brown food, it didnít smell like anything he had ever smelt on Vulcan, timidly he took a bite. The taste was unusual but pleasant and he wanted more. He finished off the bar. As he and Jim crept back up to their room Spock started to feel very strange, dizzy and a mixture of other sensations he had never felt before. As they walked passed the mathematics classroom Spock quickly pushed against the door, he found it was locked so he quickly ran at it banging his shoulder against the wood. It gave way and he found himself sprawled on the floor._

_" Spock! What are you doing?" Jim's voice was high pitched and to Spock it sounded as if it came from a greater distance than from where Jim was stood an expression of shock on his face._

_"I have to correct Mr. Happenstance's equations."_

_"What?"_

_Spock crossed over to the electronic white board, he turned it on and got the laser pen and started to erase half the board and put the correct numbers and signs in._

_"Spock, I think they might guess that this was you."_

_"No, They are lacking in intelligence."_

_" Uhh.."_

_Spock suddenly had an idea, in the morning he would realize that it is not a very bright idea but at this point in time it seems like the most marvelous idea he has ever had.  
_

_"Jim, we have to get rid of the footballs, get rid of the footballs and then we won't have to take communal showers and the boy's will not comment on the physical differences between our sexual organs."  
_

_Jim's face was comical, his eyes were wide and his mouth was agape. Spock chuckled._

_" Uh, Spock, are you feeling alright?"_

_"I feel.." Spock considered it, he felt kind of floaty and disorientated, but in a strangely pleasant manner.  
_

_" I feel fantastic Jim, let's go to the science lab I want to blow something up, they never let us blow things up. They tell us how to blow thing's up but never let us, how are we meant to learn how not to do something if we're not allowed to do it."  
_

_"Great, a pyromaniac, never had a pyromaniac for a roommate before." Jim said sounding slightly angry.  
_

_" Come on Jim."_

_Spock grabbed his hand and ran through the corridors back towards the kitchen.  
_

_" Spock, stop it we're going to get caught." Jim struggled against his hold but Spock just held on tighter. He stopped at a door near the dinning room, it was a door that had been pointed out to him, he had never been in there and never seen it open or it's usual occupant but every time he had walked pasted he had seen rather depressed looking boys waiting outside.  
_

_"Is that the principles office?"_

_"Yes. Wait No."_

_Spock had burst open the door before Jim changed his mind about he answer._

_Spock looked around the room, it was tidy, he liked tidiness. There was only one bookshelf though, In Spock's mind all good offices have to have at least three book shelves. He went round to the desk, on it were several piles of typed paper, a small com screen and several PADDS, also there was an old fashioned photograph of a pre-teen girl, probably his own age. Spock looked at the picture, she was interesting to him for some reason, she had big blue eyes and milky skin and blond curly hair. He picked the photo up and started to take it out of the frame._

_"Spock." Jim's voice was panicked. "What are you doing, put that down!"_

_"She ís beautiful, I want a picture of her."_

_"That's the headmistresses daughter. You can't have the hots for the headmistresses daughter!"_

_Spock pocketed the photo._

_"The hots?"_

_" Fancy, desire, want, whatever you aliens call it."_

_"Ah, No I do not. I am not meant to have the hots for anybody other than my betrothed and I definitely do not have the hots for her. I do not think Vulcan's get the hots."_

_" What? Betrothed, what the hell are you on about."_

_Spock suddenly had a happy thought._

_"DO you think the headmistress would let me bond with her daughter when we are both of age?"_

_" I don't know what that means but my guess would be no."_

_" Oh, well at least I've got the picture."_

_" Spock, put it back."_

_Jim ran at him and grabbed his arm, Spock pushed him and he fell backwards onto the floor, he looked up at him with hurt eyes._

_"That's it, I'm leaving."_

_Jim left. Spock went to the kitchens and climbed through the open window he'd noticed earlier, he crept across the small courtyard to the shed where the footballs were kept he felt wide excitement coursing through his body something he'd never experienced before, if he had ever had cause for such emotions then he had suppressed them immediately or gone to meditate to rid himself of them, it was the Vulcan thing to do._

_ Then he stopped and sat down, he felt extremely weird, the grass below him seemed to be moving in a circular motion, it was extremely disorientating, he heard footsteps crunching on the gravel behind him.  
_

_"Spock?" He heard Jim's voice came from behind him. There was a hint of worry in the younger boy's voice that Spock found quite endearing, it was nice to think that somebody was worried about him, especially when he was all alone on this planet without his mother or I'Chana.  
_

_" You left."  
_

_"Yeah, well, I can't leave my roommate alone when he's having a big alien breakdown."_

_"I feel strange."_

_"You look kind of yellow."_

_" That is not good."_

_"Are you going to throw up?"_

_" Throw up?" Spock had not heard the phrase before.  
_

_" Vomit."_

_"Vulcan's do not Vomit."_

_Spock vomited._


	4. Chapter 4

**15 years ago. Spock's POV**

_"Urgh."_

_"Wow, who'd have known Vulcan's could moan."_

_Spock was laid on something soft. His eyes were closed he had tried to open them and felt a sudden stabbing pain in his head. That had been the cause of the strange noise he had made. _

_" You know you've gone a weird green color. It's mega cool."_

_Spock scrunched his eyes, his head felt like somebody was hitting him repeatedly with a hammer. Maybe somebody was, if he opened his eyes he half expected Jim to be hovering over him with said hammer._

_Suddenly something cold and wet hit his forehead and drops of what he assumed were water dripped down his face. He opened his eyes in surprise. Jim was hovering over him. There was no hammer. _

_Spock reached up and pulled the wet cold thing of his head, he recognized it as his flannel._

_"Why did you throw a flannel on my face?"_

_Jim shrugged._

_"You're ill."_

_" Is it an earth custom to throw wet towels on peoples faces when they are ill?"_

_" It's to cool you down."_

_"My temperature is normal."_

_" You felt hot to me."_

_" You touched me?"_

_" I was checking you were still alive."_

_" Vulcan's average body temperature is higher than a humans."_

_" Oh."_

_" What happened?" Spock asked. He had some vague memories of the previous night that seemed brightly colored and fuzzy._

_" Turns out that Vulcan's are like gremlins."_

_" I do not know what that means."_

_" Don't feed them after midnight."_

_" It was not midnight and I have eaten passed midnight before."_

_" Then why were you acting like Frank?"_

_" I do not know who Frank is."_

_" You were drunk, intoxicated, I can't think of another word."_

_" The chocolate made me ill?"_

_" More like crazy."_

_Spock sat up and felt his stomach flip, he remembered bending over hurling the night before and flung himself back on the bed to avoid a reenactment. _

_"I do not know if I could attend my lessons today."_

_Jim smiled widely at him; somehow it made him look younger._

_" I've already got you covered. The nurse will check in on you when she gets in but she's easy enough to get rid of and you know you are actually green."_

_" You have informed the teachers that I am ill?"_

_" Yup, and got permission to bring you breakfast in bed."_

_Spock looked at Jim, he felt something but he didn't know what it was. _

_" Thank you Jim."_

**1 week ago.**

" Installing the subroutine did show some ingenuity and thinking outside the metaphorical box. I have heard that these qualities are sometimes well thought of in humans especially in military organizations."

The dean stared at him for a minute and then leaned back in his chair steeping his fingers.

"Mr. Spock. The number of incidents of disobedience, small altercations and cheating has been steadily increasing in the last three years. Somebody needs to be made an example of. It will speak more to the other cadets if that person is cadet Kirk, it'll show that nobody is untouchable not even the son of a federation hero."

" So he is to be made an example of purely because he is the son of George Kirk."

The Dean straightened in his chair obviously trying to appear intimidating.

" , you will be filling an official report against cadet Kirk and pursuing full disciplinary action. That's an order ."

Spock took a deep breath, a mixture of emotions was bubbling through him.

" Yes sir." He answered. He got up to leave.

"Mr. Spock, if you are called up to give evidence I want you to make sure everybody knows who he is."

" I understand."

**Kirk P.O.V present.**

Jim looked after the retreating figure. The stiffness of the back, the harshness of his words, that strange man who had decided to attack him in his weakest points was not in anyway familiar. What had happened to that uncomfortable with the world, shy, but loyal boy he had known? How could the Spock he knew had ever used his father's untimely demise against him?

"Who was that pointy eared bastard?" He asked himself.

"I don't know." McCoy's voice came from his side; shocked out of his thoughts he turned to his friend as he finished with.

"But I like him."

So did I, once. Kirk thought.

**15 years ago Kirk's P.O.V**

_Jim was hiding in the library. He had somehow managed to piss off Daniel Burns again. Danny Burns was four year older than him but was still in a few of his classes. Jim had decided to point out that although he himself might be young and small and abandoned by a dead father and a workaholic mother at least he didn't have the I.Q of an andorian slugworm. After the class Danny had given him three second to run before he 'beat him to a tiny bloody pulp." Jim had hidden in the library, as he was pretty sure Danny didn't know where it was._

_Jim found himself in the science section. He was surprised when he saw another boy searching through the stacks. It took him all of three seconds to recognize the strange pallor and the bowl cut. He ducked back behind some shelving just as Spock turned towards him. He took a sharp intake of breath when he saw the dark green bruise around Spock's eye and the little line of green on his swollen lip. Looks like they had something in common after all. He had not said more than few words to the boy since he had arrived a week previous. Most of his previous roommates had tormented him relentlessly and he was weary of the quiet alien though for the first time in his life the other boy's strangeness may allow him to have the upper hand._

_He stood for a long time watching the stillness of the Vulcan boy as he stared at the books then with gentle almost fearful movements the boy picked out an electronic book and went to sit quietly in the darkest corner of the library._

**The next day. **

_He sat at the long lunch tables, their were two eats empty on all sides of him, everybody knew that to talk to him would make them the targets of his bullies. He didn't mind, he was able to read whatever he liked at lunch and he tended to shovel food in with one hand and hold an electronic book with the other. His attention was drawn from the book on Vulcan history he just happened to be reading at that time (it had nothing to do with his new roommate, thank you very much) when he heard the familiar jeering tones. His eyes flickered around the room _

_And he saw his usual tormenters hovering over Spock. He listened being careful to keep his eyes on his book so as not to draw attention to himself._

" _Hey green dick how's your lunch?"_

_" It is adequate."_

_" Adequate. " The boy sneered back. " Do you know what I think? I think your not a boy I think you're a little robot. I think your parents couldn't have kids so they went to a computer designer and they had you made then sent you here when they discovered you were faulty."_

_" I can assure you I am a living being."_

_" No you're not, you are a little broken robot who doesn't know how to behave like a proper boy. You can't play football, you can't speak properly, you can't do anything except take in information and store it, like a computer. You are nothing but a computer."_

_" Your logic is faulty."_

_" You're faulty."_

_The bell rang and Jim watched as Spock stood up and wordlessly stepped around the bullies and took his tray to the bin._

_Jim had always thought that if the boys who had spent months relentlessly tormenting him then he would be happy. Instead he only felt pity for Spock._

_He stood on the sidelines of the football field knowing that he would be the last to be picked but after so many months of it he wasn't bothered. As the names were being called out he looked over at the other side of the field where the other class were getting ready for baseball. Spock was their looking paler and smaller than ever surrounded by the taller more muscular boys and wearing a spotless white P.E kit despite the fact the schools color was blue. He watched as the teacher watching them turn his back and go into the equipment shed. The instant that teacher was out of site he saw five boys converge on Spock. He couldn't hear the words they were saying but he could guess the general contents. He winced as one of the boys slammed a lightweight cricket bat into the back of Spock's legs. He fell to his knees. Instead of turning on the boys and trying to get a few punches in like Jim would Spock merely stood up brushed the mud from his palms and walked away. Jim couldn't believe that Spock wasn't going to stand up for himself. His bullies had moved on, but they had moved on to somebody who couldn't look after himself as well as Jim could, it gave him an unsettled feeling._

**The Next Day. **

_Jim had been sent out of the library with the words " it's sunny outside Jim go enjoy the weather" from the Liberian. He had found a spot under some trees and had got a book out of his bag. It wasn't three minutes before a shadow fell over the pages. He looked up with a stab of anger. Burns was stood over him with Yule, and Samuel who was the boy who had hit Spock the other day.  
" Hey Shrimp." Burns said. The other two gave a mindless little snigger._

" _Hey Dufus." Jim replied._

" _I've been getting to know your new roommate, Spot."_

_" His name is Spock, idiot."_

_" Is he your boyfriend? Are you an alien lover just like your dead daddy."_

_" You leave him alone." Jim said his anger rising._

" _Why, it's not like he can feel anything, his a robot. His even more of a shrimp than you, he's a worm an emotionless little worm."_

_Jim didn't think as he flung his full body at Burns managing to punch him square on the nose before the other two grabbed him and pinned his arms before his arms. Burns stood wiping the blood from his nose as grinned manically. Jim bit his lip as the first blow to his stomach came._

**That night.**

_Jim watched as Spock sat unmoving on the floor. Despite the fact that he was currently suffering quite a bit of pain from the bruises on his stomach Jim felt sorry for Spock. The other boy just looked so odd, so different from everybody else. He was obviously completely alone on this planet, far from home and with nobody to turn to. At least Jim could phone Sam every weekend, at least this was Jim's world. He didn't think he would ever meet anybody worse off in this place than he was. H battled with the idea for a while and then finally decided they were going to be friends. He flung himself onto Spock's bed watching with amusement the slight irritated twitch of his eyebrow._

_"Hey Spock."_

_" Mr. Kirk, may I help you?"_

_" Yeah you can, I want some chocolate."_

Yeah this chapter was all over the place but now it's back on track and will go in the proper order.


	5. Chapter 5

Okay, wondering if anybody's reading this, nobopdy reviewed the last chapter. I have two other projects and though I want to finish this but I might put it on the back burner for a couple of months.

Oh, I couldn't directly quote the movie on this chapter because I lent the D.V.D to a friend, but it's very closely paraphrased.

Of innocence and experience chapter 5

Jim present

Jim followed the crowd of his fellow students out of the hall. At the top of the stairs various staff members were issuing directions, different departments were ordered to report to different commanders. The names of the commanders were shouted out with the number of the bay where they would be issuing ship placements. Jim gave a little sigh as he heard he was to report to Commander Jerome, the man had a grudge against him and a highly visible napoleon complex. He tried not to feel anxious at the crowding and the bustle of the well-organized chaos taking place around him. He caught site of some familiar pointy ears and quickly ducked into a classroom. He didn't want to see Spock, he thought if he came into contact with him then he may ask him what the fuck he thought he was doing, weren't they friends? It may have been fifteen years ago and it may have ended badly but didn't he feel the slightest twinge of emotion for him still. Or had he grown out of emotions? Had he succumbed to the pressures of his Vulcan heritage and undergone the Kolinahr? He needed to stop thinking about this, he needed to concentrate on being a useful (and noticeable) member of whatever Star ship he got assigned to.

He didn't need to think about where he was going as he got pushed along with the crowd to the shuttle bay. He saw the short and miserable looking commander Jerome and worked his way around the few people already waiting there to where McCoy was stood. He gave them a little nod, which he replied with a slight rise of his eyebrow that unfortunately reminded Jim of somebody else. The rest of the class arrived within the next few minutes and Jerome started reading off from a PADD names and star ships. Jim tensed as Jerome got close to the K's, His stomach dropped as Jerome passed onto the L's without calling his name, he vaguely noted that McCoy was positioned on the Enterprise, the brand new and impressively technologically advanced federation flagship. Jerome finished the list without calling his name. Irritated Jim followed him.

" Commander you forgot to call my name, Kirk. J.T."

" You are on academic suspension."

Jim 15 years ago.

_Jim looked down at the blue carpet. As his mother was reading through the police reports about the car Jim gave a little glance to Frank, stood in the corner with his arms folded. He looked smug and Jim felt his hate for him grow, if that was even possible. _

_"Jim." His mother sighed resting her head in her hands. Frank walked behind her and put his hands on her shoulders. It gave Jim the creeps to see such a sleaze touching his mother._

_"Frank, do you mind giving us a minute?"_

_"Are you sure you don't need me?"_

_"I think I can handle it."_

_Frank nodded, he stared at Jim as he walked out the room and Jim repressed the urge to stick his tongue out at him. It would just get him into more trouble anyway._

_"Jimmy." _

_He made the mistake of glancing up and saw the disappointment in his mother's eyes. He looked back at his feet and shuffled them slightly along the carpet. _

_"The school doesn't want you back. They said that this is the last straw."_

_"But It's not like I drove the car through school. What's it got to do with them anyways?"_

_"You drove a car off a cliff" She said slowly. "The police reported it to them."_

_"It's a crap school anyways."_

_"It's the best in Ohio. Jim." She sighed again._

_"Jimmy, Frank says he can't handle you anymore. He say's you can't stay with him because you're two disrespectful and out of control."_

_" Frank's a dumbass."_

_She reached out and grabbed his arm._

_"Look at me! Look at me!" She demanded. Jim reluctantly met her eyes._

_" Frank has been good to us, he's looked after you every time I've been off planet for the last two years."_

_" Yeah but when your gone he acts different mom, he..."_

_"That's enough!"_

_"Stay at home mom." Jim begged knowing it was useless._

_" I can't."_

_"You won't."_

_"I'm with star fleet Jim."_

_She sighed and looked down. Jim saw the tears In her eyes. "I think you need help, you're becoming so destructive."_

_"That's because I hate Frank, I don't want to live with him. I want it to be just you and George again."_

_" Jim. That's not going to happen. And you don't hate Frank. You're just not used to having a firm masculine influence."_

3 days later 

_The school that loomed in front of them seemed huge and not a little scary. Jim hadn't talked to his mother in three days but now he just wanted to hold onto her hand and not let go, it didn't matter he was eight years old and too old to be holding his mom's hand. _

_"This is a school for bad boys." He stated looking up at her._

_"You drove a car off a cliff." She answered a little reluctantly._

_"Yeah, but what if these boys did things much worse and they do those much worse things to me or they teach Me the much worse things?"_

_"Jim." She sighed. "They have good records, the kids here get good grades and they have councillors who'll help you with your anger issues."_

_"I don't have anger issues."_

_" You drove a car off a cliff, Georges car." She said his dads name sadly._

_" Frank was going to sell it."_

_" He told me he wasn't."_

_" He was going to sell it and tell you it was stolen."_

_"Don't lie Jim."_

_"I'm not lying, I don't want to be here mom."_

_"Look I leave for my next mission tomorrow, if you're good whilst I'm away and I don't have any phone calls from the head teacher or the police then you can come home."_

_"But... You're going to be away for a year."_

_"A year isn't all that long Jim."_

_"It is when your eight Mom."_

_"We're not having this conversation any more."_

_Jim blinked back tears, he knew that tone of voice, there was no point arguing it. _

_"I signed all the papers yesterday. Come on. I'll come with you to see your room."_

_" No."_

_"Message me next week okay?"_

_Jim didn't answer. His mother knelt next to him and hugged her to hi. Jim didn't hug back. When she went to kiss him on the cheek she turned from her. Then she patted head and walked away. Off to be a hero in deep space, like his father and one day like his father she might not come back._

Jim Present.

McCoy clapped him on the shoulder. He snapped out of his thoughts.

" The board will rule in your favour."

" Yeah, good luck." Jim said briefly shaking his hand. He had trouble looking at his friend; he had mixed emotions on what was happening. He knew that everybody except him was getting a chance at real field experience; he admittedly felt a little twinge of jealousy. They were all getting a chance at heroics. His friend was going on an unknown mission, possibly dangerous. He glanced around watching his classmates climbing into shuttles, leaving him on earth alone.

Spock Present.

Spock tried to suppress his worry but he noted that his heartbeat was still too fast. He had a list of procedures in his mind that he had to follow and he tried to follow it with the same efficiency he had when the planet he grew up on wasn't in some kind of unknown danger. He had pulled aside admiral Barret as he had headed to the briefing room for their two minute briefing ( all they had time for). He had asked if he could be any less vague about the 'unknown threat' and whether evacuation was just a precaution. Barret had answered with one quick sentence.

" It is not a precaution Commander."

Spock had listened intently to the briefing but had been haunted by memories of his home planet. Standing out in the silent wilds, the only time he felt a true part of Vulcan, when there were no Vulcan's around. He saw his parents home, his mother in her rose garden and then had felt another type of panic, one that came from knowing his parents were on a planet that had just sent out a distress call. They had been dismissed and Spock had repeated a few meditation mantras to himself as he had walked through the crowds to the shuttle bay. He immediately made his way to the nearest computer terminal and checked which shuttles had been assigned to the Enterprise, he noted that the head navigation officer was hospitalized with lungworm and quickly assessing that their was no fully qualified staff to take his place assigned Hikaru Sulu the most promising navigation student in the academy to take his place. He had just finished when he heard a familiar footfall behind him. His mind reached out and touched at the edges of that familiar consciousness, she was angry and a little concerned for him but he knew that she would never embarrass him (not that he allowed himself embarrassment) by showing that concern.

" Commander a word."

" Yes lieutenant."

" Was I not one of your top students?"

The instant she spoke Spock knew it was about him assigning her to the Farragut instead of the Enterprise. The decision had caused him much deliberation because it would mean that once she had graduated she would leave him. But this was about duty and gaining experience, Nyota would rise through the ranks (as she deserved) a lot easier and quicker on the two hundred and thirty man Farragut than the four hundred and eighty man Enterprise. He had no doubt that they would keep in contact and see each other at every opportunity and if they managed a relationship and positions on separate ships then in time they might be in a position to request tangent assignments.

" Indeed you were." He shut down the folder he was looking at on the computer terminal and headed to the shuttle he had be assigned, as he expected she followed him.

" And did I not on multiple occasions demonstrate exceptional oral sensitivity."

Spock felt the tips of his ears grow hot at the multiple meaning of that phrase.

" And I quote 'an unparalleled ability to detect subspace sonic anomalies in subspace transmission tests."

" Consistently yes."

Given her determination Spock started to wonder if she would rise just as easily among the ranks on the Enterprise as on the Farragut. It was not as if somebody who would follow their commanding officer (though admittedly that commanding officer was also her partner) around a busy shuttle bay in the middle of a crisis would not allow themselves and their achievements to be overlooked. He started to turn to her.

" And while you are well aware of my unqualified desires to serve on the U.S.S. Enterprise I'm assigned to the Farragut."  
Why was she so beautiful when she was angry?

Spock glanced as another officer walked by but judging him too preoccupied to listen in he lowered his voice and answered in a half truth, appearing to show favoritism had come into his consideration and he did not wish Nyota to know that he had doubted her in anyway.  
" It was an attempt to avoid the appearance of favoritism."

" No, I'm assigned to the Enterprise."

Spock took two seconds to reevaluate, Nyota was determined enough to raise through the ranks, favoritism was not against the rules (just not well thought of) the Enterprise would benefit from her being there and, although not really to be taken into a logical decision making process, it would mean he wouldn't have to say goodbye to her yet and he would know if she were in any danger or injured in anyway. He looked down at his PADD and quickly swapped her name from the Farragut list with another young woman from her class.

" Yes I believe you are."

" Thank you."

He felt a glimmer of her contentment as he turned to board.


	6. Chapter 6

Of innocence and experience chapter 6

Still haven't got the DVD back so still paraphrasing.

* * *

**Spock present.**

Spock hooked the safety belt around his shoulders giving it a short tug to make sure it was properly hooked up and would keep him in the seat when they hit the turbulence passing out of the earth's atmosphere. As he sat down he tried to rid himself of the panic he felt deep down at the thought of Vulcan, his home, being in trouble. He had lived a solitary life on whole. There had been very few people who he had cared about. His mother, his Father, Captain Pike who had taken an interest in him all through his time at the academy, … Jim a childhood friend, he would not think of him, and Nyota.

Nyota, at least he knew she would be safe as long as the Enterprise was safe and with Pike at the helm the Enterprise WOULD be safe. He had the greatest respect and trust in the captain and they had developed a friendship outside their strong working relationship. Pike would do his upmost to save the planet Vulcan and as many of it's inhabitants as possible, and he would keep his shipmate safe. Nyota, she kept tugging at his mind, he was glad he had changed his mind on her ship placement he did not want to think of what would happen if he ever lost her. She was the only woman who he had ever really noticed; many women had pawed over him when he had first arrived on Earth, as the only Vulcan in the academy he had been considered somewhat exotic. Nyota was different, she seemed to see him and accept him as what he truly was and he had experienced emotions with her he had never known were possible for him. A memory stirred up inside him, not quite forgotten but stored deep inside his mind. Nyota may have been the first woman he had ever noticed but not the first female, there was one other, long ago, when he was a child.

**Spock 15 years ago.**

_Spock peered over the top of the electronic book he had found in the library, the works of a nineteenth century earth poet called Byron. It was the weekend and like the one previous he had completed his homework in a matter of hours and had found himself unemployed. After being prompted by a teacher he had headed outside to read his book at one of the picnic tables set in the field at the back of the school. Spock was content to find the day reasonably warm but despite the warm weather, the interesting material and the lack of any physical needs he found himself unable to concentrate. The reason it seemed was the girl sat under a tree several meters away. She was playing on a handheld game system, was perhaps his age, had deep blue eyes and very pretty long blonde curls the type of which were never found on Vulcan. He recognized her as the girl from the photo in the headmistress's office. The one he had seen on that night he vaguely remembered and what he remembered told him that the fact that said memories were vague was rather a good thing. For some reason he could not stop himself from glancing up at the girl every few minutes and the time in-between he didn't really take in much of what he was reading, rather he was waiting for the next point where he would allow himself to glance back up._

_There was a loud bang that snapped him out of his contemplation. Spock looked up to see his roommate had flung a satchel down on the table and was scrawled in and undignified fashion on the bench across from him._

" _What you looking at?" He asked._

_" What are you looking at?" Spock automatically corrected him, really it was surprising that the boy had lived on the planet for eight years and had not grasped the basics of grammatical sentence structure ( Like the writer of this piece)._

_Jim rolled his eyes._

_" I am reading the works of Byron."_

_Jim's eyes travelled across the field to where the girl was sat._

_" You were starring at Emma."_

_" I was not staring. I was glancing."_

_" Spock's got a crush." Jim said his voice taking on that singsong fashion that Spock had learnt was to deliberately annoy him._

_" I was merely wondering why she is here."_

_" She's always here at the weekend."_

_Spock stored this piece of information away, for some reason the idea of glancing at this girl every weekend pleased him._

_" Why don't you talk to her?" Jim asked._

_" I have no reason to."_

_" You want to, that's a reason."_

_" Want is not a logical reason."_

_" She's lonely, you're lonely." Jim muttered. Spock looked up at him, he thought he saw some sadness in the younger boy but it was gone before he could confirm it._

_" Vulcan's do not get lonely." He answered, though he had been wondering lately if that were true, his mother messaged him twice a week and every time he saw a message from her his stomach did something funny and he found himself reading every little thing she had written over and over more times than was necessary to memorize it. There was definitely something missing in his life at that moment, some sense of not being connected to anything around him, he could not fully understand what it was but sometimes late at night it hurt his chest. Pushing the feeling away he glanced back at the girl, she seemed content enough sat there pushing away at the buttons of her game._

_" How do you know she's lonely?"_

_" Everybody makes fun of her, or the older boys, they perve on her."_

_"Perve?"_

_" They hit on her, even though she's like years younger than them. "_

_" They hit her? You should never show violence to females." Spock said, clenching his hand slightly under the table._

_" No, they hit on her, they flirt with her, they.. Oh never mind." Jim said, he always got frustrated at Spock's inability to understand colloquialisms._

_" I think I understand." Spock said. " They show interest of a romantic nature towards her even though she is still a child."_

_"Yes."_

_Spock felt angered by this, and a little guilty though he was unsure of the reasons for that guilt. Jim hit him on the shoulder with an open palm, it did not hurt and Spock suspected it was not meant to and it was another Human gesture he didn't understand._

_" Go on."_

_Spock shook his head, and then found his hands immediately deprived of their book. His eyes narrowed at Jim as he stood up on the table waving the book in the air._

_" May I have that back? It is a library book."_

_" No, not until you talk to her."_

_Spock sighed, Human's were highly illogical beings and difficult to live with.__ He walked slowly over to Emma, he waited patiently by her side until she looked up. He found himself freezing as those blue eyes captured him. _

" _Hello." She said._

" _Hello." He answered. " I noticed that you were without company and wondered if you would like to go for a walk around the grounds?"  
She seemed to talk him in for a moment, her eyes flickering from the grey Vulcan robe he had chosen to wear ( although his mother had brought him Terren clothing he found the Vulcan clothing to breath more and to give more freedom of movement) and then, as expected to his pointed ears. _

" _You're Spock." She said._

" _Yes."_

_" My Mom told me about you."_

_" I have only spoken to your mother once."_

_" You're from Vulcan."_

_" Yes. As is my father my mother is from Earth."_

_" Why are you here?" She asked curiously._

" _Apparently to gain an education but the curriculum here is several years behind the one I was studying on Vulcan."_

_" Boys only come here when their normal schools have thrown them out because they've done something really bad."_

_Spock felt the tips of his ears grow hot and knew they were flushing green in that all too obvious sign of embarrassment. He hated that his Human side made some of his emotions cause noticeable physical reactions in him._

" _I hit one of my fellow students. It was an inexcusable action and I understand if you do not wish to spend time in my acquaintance."_

_" You got in a fight?"_

_" Yes."_

_" Why?"_

" _He insulted my mother though I understand that there is no excuse for violence."_

_" I'd say that was a pretty good excuse." She tilted her head to one side. " You only got in one fight?"_

_" Yes."_

_" And they threw you out?"_

_" They suspended me for a number of months until I prove myself better able to manage my emotions."_

_" Wow, most of the boys here get into fights everyday and think it's cool."_

_" Cool? I tend to find that on the few occasions I have experienced anger it comes with a slight rise in temperature."_

_To his surprise Emma laughed._

" _You're funny." She stood up._

_" Am I?" _

_She walked a few steps away from him then looked over her shoulder._

" _Are you coming?"_

_He felt his eyebrow twitch up._

_" For a walk." She clarified._

_" Yes." Spock agreed._

**That night**

_Spock was resting on his bed contemplating ( as his father had told him to do) the various costs of emotion when Jim jumped on his bed almost banging into him. Spock took a deep breath, he was definitely learning how to better manage annoyance. _

" _So, what happened?"_

_" I do not know to what you are referring."_

_" Emma." He said elonging the name. " Did you…" Jim made a strange gesture where he raised his arm so it half covered his face, shut his eyes and wiggled his tongue making strange noises. Spock found it rather disturbing._

_" Jim. What exactly are you doing?"_

_Jim sighed in an over exaggerated mannerand then slammed his palms on the bed._

_" Did you kiss her?"_

_" That is a human gesture of affection is it not?" _

_He had seen the gesture once between his parents but knowing he was not meant to witness it turned and hid in his room for the rest of the day and blushed throughout dinner with his parents that night. _

" _Duh."_

_" Vulcan's do not kiss."_

_" Really?"_

_" Yes. We show affection by touching our fingers."_

_" That sounds less yucky than kissing."_

_" It is definitely more hygienic." He agreed._

_" Show me." Jim demanded._

" _No." Spock said losing control of his expression for a moment._

_" Why?"_

_" Because it is a gesture of affection."_

_" I don't mean really do it I just don't know how it works."_

_" For the purposes of scientific enquiry." Spock said feeling that green blush spread down his ears for the second time that day. He raised his two fingers. " Both partners raise their fingers like this and they touch them together." Spock said._

_Jim leaned forwards slightly his two finger raised in a mirror of Spock's._

_" Like that."_

" _Yes." _

_Jim's hand darted forward and his fingers came in contact with Spock. Jim acted quickly and Spock was too surprised by the sudden movement to react in time to avoid the touch. Spock gasped and pulled back. His fingers tingled as he back up and unceremoniously fell of the edge of the bed. He heard a snort of laughter from Jim. He stood up, feeling his anger rising in him. Walk away he told himself, find somewhere quiet to meditate, somewhere away from Jim._

_" Hey, don't look so mad I only wanted to see what it felt like."_

_Spock didn't answer as he left the room._

" _Spock!" Jim shouted after him._

**Jim Present.**

Jim felt like he had the morning after the night with the Ontarian Vodka. That day he had woken up at six P.M. and threw up on Bones bed on the way to the toilet where he emptied his stomach until their was blood mixed in with the sick and Bones had come back, swore and started poking him in the neck with a dozen hypospreys. He felt hot, kind of burning hot and his vision was mucked up as his left eye was all fuzzy and sick, very sick.

" I may throw up on you." He muttered to Bones.

" Jim will you look at this." Bones replied ignoring him. Jim had to take a moment to consider whether he wanted to look at what Bones was pointing out as the doctor was extraordinary negative when it came to space. The entire academy were obsessed with space, they thought it was the coolest most fascinating thing in the universe, for Jim space was the stuff between the planets and they were the interesting part of the universe. Due to Bones negativity Jim was sure he was going to point out something terrifying, or at least terrifying to bones, giant germs or solar flares or a beat up looking shuttle or ..well just a vast void. Instead what he saw was beautiful and truly impressive. Out of the five ships around the Space dock he immediately knew which one the Enterprise was. He had seen her being built, had worked on her briefly for a few months, only forming sheets of metal that would be put in some unseen place but he had a bigger claim of her than anybody else at the academy, more of a right to serve on her. And she was a her, so beautiful, so gleaming and curved and graceful. He felt a little shiver of anticipation at the idea of getting to see her on her maiden voyage.

Still, despite the beauty of the ship in front of him, despite the sickness in his stomach he still found himself thinking of Spock. Damn him, unemotional pointy eared Vulcan. He even looked good now, he probably had thousands of girls falling over him, what was up with that? As a kid he was pale and quiet and yeah he'd had a thing with the head teachers daughter but she had been a little weird. He had built that cool supposedly unwinnable simulation, he was a top graduate, a science officer, taller than him and good looking in that strangely exotic and serious way, arsehole, it was too unfair.

**Jim Past.**

" _I have been to Earth three times previous to my arrival at this school and four years ago I accompanied my parents on a diplomatic mission to Andorian Prime." Spock said._

_" Cool. Did you get to like do cool stuff?" Jim asked._

_" I was allowed to sit on a balcony above the meeting room and watch Father negotiate a new trade agreement."_

_" No then."_

_" I found it interesting."_

_" You would. " _

" _What other planets have you visited?"_

_Last year I went on a mission with my Mom on a real Starship. It was only a month but and I didn't get to go to any planets but I spent a lot of time drawing star maps and one of the engineers allowed me to follow him on a few jobs."_

_" I have never been allowed to interact with the members of our transport ships. My Father said I would disturb them from doing their job effectively."_

_" But you can learn a lot." Jim argued wondering what the Vulcan had done on a space ship if he wasn't allowed to run around with the mechanics and science officers. _

" _Yes, I could."_

_" Next time Screw your Dad and talk to the science officers they can teach you things."_

_"Perhaps." Spock said and Jim had the feeling he was seriously considering it, he'd make a rebel of the Vulcan yet._

" _So you haven't been on any other planets._

_" Yeah I have I spent two months on the colony at Taurus IV. That's where my mum's sister lives, she considered sending me to stay with her after I drove the car of the cliff but she decided to leave me here instead."_

" _Is your father also with Star Fleet?"_

_Jim froze, most the kids at the school knew who his father was and they teased him endlessly about it. At times it seemed like half the world knew who his father was, especially Mom's bosses who always stopped and said ' he looks just like George, he sounds just like George, as clever as George, George would be so proud'. But Spock didn't, with Spock he wasn't just the son of a hero, he could be the hero himself. He could be Jim Kirk, not Jim son of George Kirk. Then he felt guilty for thinking that, his mother had told him that his father had loved him, had died to protect him and here he was not wanting to claim him as his father._

_" I don't want to talk about it." He answered.

* * *

Reviews very much appreciated.  
_


	7. Chapter 7

Okay, lot's more film stuff in this one, it's a bit hard to make it new and original but I tried my best, perhaps got the filmstuff/my original stuff ratio a little out but these are very busy scenes in the movie, they talk really fast.

Spock present

Concentrate, Spock told himself. Push everything away. You are a component of this ship and all components need to function independently for the whole to function correctly. Accept that you are afraid but do not let fear determine how you act. Vulcan is a strong civilization it can survive this. The culture and shared knowledge will survive. Mother and father will survive.

Spock sat at his chair, tapped a few buttons and checked the overall system readings to insure the ship was ready to depart.

Spock 15 years ago

_"Spock?" Spock wondered for a moment if he could feign sleep. It was close to midnight and on the few occasions Jim had wanted to talk to him this late at night the conversations had turned more personal than he was used to. Humans tended to be very emotional and did not seem to keep many aspects of their lives private. Yet at the same time it was a small piece of comfort getting to know somebody on this planet, having some kind of connection, not being totally alone. _

_" Spock?" _

_He turned in his bed to face Jim, just able to make out the outline of his figure sitting up in the darkness._

_" Do you ever get homesick?"_

_Spock remembered the strange sense of nausea he had felt the previous night when he had looked up at the sky and picked out the star Vulcan orbited. Vulcan's sun, he had always taken it for granted. Always taken he warmth it gave for granted. Here on this cold planet where it's light could only be seen as a tiny dot amongst many, he longed to feel it again, to see it from the surface of Vulcan, to let the grains of sand run through his fingers and look out his bedroom window to see the shadows of the mountains on the horizon._

_" That is an illogical sensation." He muttered. _

_" I get homesick." Jim said sadly. " And my home is only fifty six miles away. Your home is like.." He made a vague arm waving gesture._

_" Sixteen point two light-years, so 71,561,491,200,000 miles from earth."_

_" Yeah, so do you?"_

_Spock remained silent._

_" Do you feel homesick?" Jim pushed again._

_" Yes Jim. I do."_

Jim present

As he walked through the hallways of the newly built enterprise propped up by Bones he heard the familiar voice of Captain Pie coming over the speakers.

" All decks this is Captain Pike prepare for immediate departure."

A few minutes later Jim heard the low buzzing and felt the slight jolt that meant they had gone to wrap. Many people said they didn't feel any Jolt but Jim was in touch with his ships. McCoy slowed down , Jim tried to figure out where they were as they walked through a doorway, they had travelled up three floors from the shuttle pad and walked for seven minutes towards port left. He tried to remember the ships schematics but his head hurt too much and the vision in his left eyes was still blurred.

" Where are we?" He muttered.

" Medical bay." Bones answered.

" This isn't worth it." Jim muttered thinking about how even though he was on the ship he would probably spend the majority of the mission collapsed on a bed and the rest of it either in the brig or sat watching what was going on, sure he'd know if Bones and everybody else was aright but Jim most definitely was not alright. He felt a strange leaking sensation as if he had turned to liquid with that shivery chilly unstable feeling, and then with the room spinning it was as if he were running down a drain in slow motion. He was distracted from his mixture of weird sensations as he saw a nice pair of legs walk past, oh medical bay equals nurses, nice he thought. He straightened up and pushed Bones away fro him slightly.

" Hi, how are you?"

As the pretty nurse meets his eyes he realized his mistake. He had been on a date with her last year, she had had an obsession with tribbles, apparently she died their hair pink, and needless to say she had never called her back. His mouth began to itch bringing his mind back to the weird things his body was doing.

" My mouth is itchy, is that normal?" Jim said as he pulled himself up onto the bed Bones had led him to.

" Well those symptoms won't last long. I'm going to give you a sedative." Jim felt slightly relived his stomach felt like it was doing cartwheels. Painful going to flying out of one my orifices but can't decide which cartwheels.

" I wish I didn't know you." He muttered.

" Don't be such an infant."

Jim winced as the burning hyposrey dug into his neck.

" How long is it supposed to take…"

Blackness.

Then fuzzy greyness.

He could see light moving behind his eyelids.

Footsteps and an annoying voice in the background.

" May I have your attention please?"

" No piss off." Jim moaned.

" At twenty two hundred hours, telemetry detected an anomaly in the neutral zone, what appeared to be a lightning storm in space."

Lightning storm in space, why did that seem oddly familiar, his brain was too sluggish to figure it out.

" Soon after, Star Fleet received a distress signal from the Vulcan high command that their planet was experiencing seismic activity. Our mission is to assess the condition of Vulcan and assist in the evacuations if necessary. We should be arriving at Vulcan within three minutes. Thank you for your time.

It clicked.

" Lightning storm?" He sat bolt upright then groaned as the sudden pain from sitting up hit him.

" Jim your awake."

Bones, always stating the obvious.

" Good God man."

" What?"

Jim looked down at his hands, it looked like he was wearing boxing gloves but the same colour as his hands, and they hurt, they burnt and felt heavy, like they were about to burst.

" What the hell is this?"

" A reaction to the vaccine, danm it."

Jim tried to kick his mind away from his hands; he had to confirm what he ad just heard, lightning storm in space? Had he really heard that? He was vaguely aware of Bones fussing behind him.

" Nurse Chapel I need fifty cc's of cortisole."

" Yes Sir"

He found one of the medical bays computer terminal and pushed at the screen watching as his own fingers bent backwards. He felt his heart beating hard against his rib cage, too fast but he couldn't worry about that now because the screen showed that annoying Russian kid and he had said lightning storm. He knew of only one occasion when there had been a lightning storm in space, the day his father had died. The one the giant Romulan ship had appeared in the midst off just before attacking his parents ship and killing twenty-three of the eight hundred aboard then mercilessly tried to kill the rest as they tried to escape in the pods.

He turned finding McCoy right before him he grabbed him trying to get him to listen.

" Hey!"

" We gotta stop the ship." He turned and started running, coming up with a plan as he headed towards one of the turbolifts. The Klingon, he suddenly remembered, the Klingon vessels that Uhura had said had been destroyed. Over forty, that had caught his attention, he'd never heard of any ship that could destroy that many Klingon birds of war. Except, the giant Romaulan ship, from the reports he had read it had weaponry the federation had never seen before. It all added up, he just needed to confirm it, Uhura would know.

' Jim I'm not kidding! We need to keep your heart rate down."

He came to the turbo lift and came to a stop he accessed the computer terminal right next to it.

" Computer locate crew member Uhura."

He watched the computer as it showed a ship schematic and a little red dot, on that deck, good.

' I haven't seen a reaction this severe since med school."

" We're flying into a trap!"

He started off running again trying to catch his breath as he headed to the ships sensor array. As he stopped to catch his breath he heard McCoy coming up behind him.

" Danm it Jim, Stand still."

Jim did so, but only because he was trying to see where Nyota was in the long sensor room. He felt a sudden pain in his neck as Bone pushed another hypo into his neck.

" Oww stop it." He caught his breath and ran down the middle of the array feeling slight relief when he saw the familiar form of Uhura headphones on as she listened to space interference.

" Uhura, Uhura!"

She looked surprised as she saw him, swept the headphones off and stood up.

" Kirk! What are you doing here?"

" The transmission from the Klingon prison Planet, what exactly…"

" Oh my god, what's wrong with your hands?"

He heard an annoying beeping as Bones waved a med tricorder behind his head.

" It's.. look who is responsible for the Klingon attack?"

" What?"

Jim's tongue started to feel strangely heavy.

" And was the ship Romulan?" The words didn't sound right to his ears and Uhura was looking at him like he was a crazy person.

" Was the ship what?"

He turned to Bones.

" What's happening to my mouth?"

" You got numb tongue?"

" Numb Tongue!" Oh this was just getting ridiculous.

" I can fix that." Bones answered, Jim though he would just make it worse but he didn't have time to argue or to wait for the swellings to go down.

" Was the ship what?" Uhura repeated.

" Romulan?"

" What?"

" Romulan." Come on Uhura, he begged, you're a linguistic specialist, come on.

" Romulan?"

Thank god, she'd got it, there might still be time.

" Yeah."

"Yes."

" Yes?" He was right; they were flying into a trap. A trap set by the ship that had killed his father; they were causing the seismic activity on Vulcan to draw them away from Earth defences.

There was a sudden pain in his neck again.

" Ah danmit!"

He turned and ran back out the array and into the corridor, quickly locating the turbo lift that would take him directly to the bridge, the others caught up with him as he pressed the button and followed him in to the lift. He pressed the button for the bridge and took the handle.

" What's going on?" Uhura asked Bones, her voice slightly quieter than usual as if not wanting him to hear despite them being in a tiny space.

" No Idea." Bones placed his hand on Jim's shoulder looking worried. " Jim, you're having a severe reaction."

" The ships going to be destroyed."

" Jim. Stop this you're not thinking straight."

Jim ignored him as the doors opened, he ran onto the bridge his eyes going straight to captain Pike.

" Captain?"

" Jim Stop." Bones shouted after him.

" Captain Pike we have to stop the ship."

Christopher Pike stood up.

" Kirk how the hell did you get aboard the Enterprise."

Spock present.

Spock looked down at his old friend, it certainly seemed as if he were not in his right mind. He could hear the rapid beating of his heart, the sheen of sweet on his skin and the dilution of his pupils.

" Vulcan Is not experiencing a natural disaster. It's being attacked by Romulans."

He's going to cause himself an embarrassment, Spock thought, and or slow down our mission and any delay could result in the loss of life.

" Romulans? Cadet Kirk, I think you've had enough attention for one day.."

Jim looked exasperated.

" McCoy, take him back to medical, we'll have words later."

" Aye Captain." McCoy answered.

As Jim took a step towards the Captain Spock found himself unintentionally doing the same thing as if to protect the older man.

" Look sir, that same anomaly that we saw today."

"Mr. Kirk." Pike said.

Spock quickly thought about protocol, Kirk had defied the Captain by staying on the bridge but more than that, he was on academic suspension and not meant to be on the Enterprise at all.

" Mr Kirk is not cleared to be aboard this vessel captain."

Jim held up his hand.

" Look I get it you're a great arguer.."

" By regulations that makes him a stowaway."

" I'd love to do it again sometime."

" I can remove the Cadet.."

" Try It!" Jim shouted turning to look directly at him for the first time since he had come aboard the Enterprise.

" Kirk." Chris snapped.

" This Cadet is trying to save the bridge."

" By recommending a full stop mid-wrap during a rescue mission?" The jolt of a full stop during warp would not only possibly cause injuries to the crew but would throw out some of the systems alignments and of course they would not be able to help with the evacuation of Vulcan, again leading to possible loss of life.

" It's not a rescue mission. Listen to me, it's an attack."

" Based on what facts?"

" That same anomaly, a lightning storm in space that we saw today, also occurred on the day of my birth, before a Romulan ship attacked the U.S.S. Kelvin."

Spock 15 years ago

_Spock sat down across from Jim, he could sense some sort of dark mood in Jim but he couldn't identify it. As he observed how Jim sat with his head down, with a slight frown on his lips and a furrow on his brow he wondered if he should inquire as to the source of his roommates bad mood. Jim had been growing increasingly quiet over the passed three days and this morning he only grunted in response to Spock's questions. It made Spock…. uncomfortable he and Jim had become increasingly closer since his arrival at the school a month previously and he had to admit having somebody willing to communicate did seem to make his experience on earth easier. For example Jim explained some of the Terran holidays he was going to present for and although Jim always got annoyed by his misunderstanding of Terran phrases but would explain them when asked._

_Spock finished his peas and then put his fork down he was just about to ask Jim why he was in emotional distress when the lights of the dining hall dimmed. This had happened on several occasions before, the first time Spock had stood up and looked around the room trying to ascertain whether there was some emergency, now he knew it was one of the students birthdays and as per Terran tradition a sweet cake with candles was being brought out. Right on time everybody in the room started singing 'Happy Birthday" and Miss Tanner the science teacher was binging out a cake outlined with a pale glow from the candles. Spock didn't sing his mother had celebrated his birthday until he had reached the age of seven and said that to celebrate his birth every year was illogical, none of the other Vulcan children celebrated their birthdays. He was surprised however to see that Jim also wasn't singing, Jim usually was very enthusiastic seeing as the cakes tended to have chocolate buttons on them. In fact Jim had tensed and was glaring in the direction of the cake, he stood suddenly and walked out the room. Miss Tanner stopped singing._

_" Jim, Jimmy Kirk, Don't you want your birthday cake?"  
_

_The door slammed behind Jim. There was a quiet hush around the room as the students looked around not knowing how to react. Miss Tanner put the cake on Spock's table and extinguished the candles._

_" Who wants cake?" She shouted with fake enthusiasm._

_" Miss Tanner? " Spock said quietly. " Is it James Birthday?"  
_

_" Yes." She answered as she cut the cake into thin slices. " Do you know why he is in a bad mood?"  
_

_" No."_

_" Will you take him a slice of cake for me?"  
_

_" Yes." Spock agreed. Miss Tanner handed him two plates of the cake. Spock was about to tell her that he did not eat cake but then he decided that Jim would probably appreciate the extra slice._

_He carefully carried the two plates to the room pressing the open pad with his elbow. Jim was laid on the bed his face buried in the pillow, Spoke froze unsure how to react. After a moment he turned to set the two slices of cake on their shared desk. Then he pulled the chair out and sat down staring at Jim._

_" Will you stop looking at me." Jim said after three point four minutes._

_" I have fetched your cake."  
_

_" I don't want it."  
_

_" But you like cake, you have stolen it from the kitchens on two occasions whilst I have been here."  
_

_Jim didn't answer._

_" It is your birthday. On the occasions I have witnessed other Terrans on their birthdays they seem happy yet you seem to be in some emotional distress."  
_

_Jim took a minute to answer._

_" We don't celebrate my birthday."  
_

_" Most Terrans, especially young Terran do. Why don't you?"  
_

_Jim turned his head to Spock._

_" Because my Dad died on the day I was born."  
_

_Spock felt a slight sadness and immediately pushed it down. He did not know how to react he simply looked at Jim._

_" Have you heard of the Kelvin?"  
_

_" It was a Starfleet ship." Spock answered quietly. The Kelvin was well known; it had been destroyed when he was three. There had been news articles spanning almost an entire year on the destruction, the personnel's escape, the inquiries, and the brave and selfless actions of the acting captain… George Kirk._

_" My father was on it, he couldn't get to an escape pod."  
_

_" Because the autopilot system had been knocked of line and he had to stay behind to ensure that the escape pods were not destroyed by the enemy ship."  
_

_" Yeah, my Mom said he saved all our lives, but still... he's not here. And Mom only got the Star Fleets basic death fund and the life insurance companies don't cover death by homicidal Romulans so she had to go back to work when I was three and she's gone for months at a time and she leaves me with Frank whose a dick and if Dad hadn't died then she wouldn't have to have gone back to work and she'd be here all the time and dad would work and come see us on leave."  
_

_" I am sorry Jim, but you cannot change the past, only the future."_

Spock present.

Jim turned to the captain. " You know that, sir, I read your dissertation. That ship, which had formidable and advanced weaponry, was never seen or heard from again. The Kelvin attack took place on the edge of Klingon space, and at twenty-three hundred hours last night forty-seven Klingon warbirds destroyed by Romulans, Sir, and it was reported that the Romulans were in one ship, one massive ship."

" And you know of the Klingon attack how?" Pike asked.

Jim turned to stare over Spock's shoulder. Spock turned in that direction and saw Nyota stood there. He had noticed her come in but his attention had been on the disruption Kirk was causing. Nyota starred blankly for a moment and then taking a deep breath answered.

" Sir I interrupted and translated the message myself. Kirks report is accurate." Her eyes flickered to him, she had not told him about the Klingons but then he had only briefly seen her that morning and his mind had been on other things.

" We're wrapping into a trap, sir. The Romulans are waiting for us, I promise you that." Jim said.

Chris turned to Spock, silently asking his opinion.

" The cadets logic is sound. And Lieutenant Uhura is unmatched in xenolinguistics we would be wise to accept her conclusions.

* * *

Reviews always appreciated.


	8. Chapter 8

Sorry for the long wait I was just finishing up my degree; hope you're all still following this, especially as this chapters a little different, the present bits last about all of three minutes real time and the flashbacks aren't from when they were at school together. It's a six-year-old Jim and a thirteen year old Spock. I think you'll understand why I decided to do this for this chapter though; next one will go back to Jim and Spock's childhood escapades.

Spock present

"The cadets logic is sound. And lieutenant Uhura is unmatched in xenoliinguistics. We would be wise to accept her conclusion. "

Spock could feel Chris's concern as he gave orders.

" Scan Vulcan Space. Check for any transmissions in Romulan."

"Sir I'm not sure I can distinguish the Romulan language from Vulcan." The communication officer answered. Spock felt a flash of annoyance at the mans incompetence but let it pass as Chris turned to Nyota.

"What about you, do you speak Romulan Cadet.."

"Uhura. All three dialects, sir." She answered, Spock could feel her slight nervousness through the weak telepathic link they had shared since becoming lovers.

"Uhura, relieve the lieutenant."

" Yes, Sir."

Spock watched her walk to the station; he felt a passing comfort at having her close in this crisis. His planet may be in danger but at least she was here under his gaze where he could know she was safe.

"Hannity, hail the U.S.S Truman. "

"All the other ships are out of warp, sir, and have arrived at Vulcan, but we seem to have lost all contact."

Spock quickly went through in his mind the possible causes for having lost all contact, the most unlikely being all ships had simultaneously suffered damage or malfunctions to their communication systems, all ships were destroyed, or, the most preferable option that something was blocking their transmissions. Be it as Jim suspected a Romulan ship or as Star Fleet command had informed them unusual seismic activity on Vulcan.

"Sir I pick up no Romulan transmissions, or transmission of any kind in the area. " Nyota added.

" It's because they're being attacked." Jim said. Spock turned to look at his old friend, he noticed concern in his expression but strength, as if he felt the concern but would not allow it to influence him. To experience fear yet still to do your duty despite that fear. Spock watched the captain's face as he reached the same conclusion as Jim. It was stern and worried but determined.

" Sheild up. Red Alert." Chris ordered as he sat in his chair.

People rushed to their seats to carry out their orders their was a plausible tension as everybody knew that performing these orders might save the ship. Spock looked around the bridge he knew at least five were on their first mission; they had not even completed the academies final year yet. They were scared. Spock unconsciously shifted closer to Jim, the increased heartbeats of the crew affecting him and making it almost impossible for him to suppress all worry.

The helms master started a countdown.

"Arrival in Vulcan in five seconds."

Spock noticed the fear in Ensign Checkov's eyes.

" Four."

Chris's jaw clenched.

"Three."

Jim turned to look at him. Spock could not read his expression.

"Two..."

The ship made a musical wurring sound as it dropped out of warp. It took Spock a moment to process what he was seeing on the view screen in front of him. Large masses of twisted metals, points of light, which he realized were blazing fires. Then it transformed and he saw what the shapes were. Starships literally torn apart revealing decks where once there were quarters, labs, engine rooms, now dead and destroyed floating towns spewing debris and the bodies of those who had and would have lived here. The peaceful curve of Vulcan above them carried on unawares of the battlefield, or rather massacre that had taken place in her orbit.

Spock past

_It was the middle of the night and Spock's parents were in bed, he knew this was within the time his father usually slept. He padded on unclad feet to the kitchen where he filled a large canister with water and dropped it into his shoulder bag. Next he took a small hypo loaded with antidotes for common plant and insect venoms. He needed nothing else, it had been five year since he had completed his right of passage and this would be the fifth time he would head out into the desert alone since then. He was well experienced to handle anything that may occur. He left the house only considering for a moment how annoyed his parents were at his habit of disappearing into the desert for days without communication or notice. They did not understand his reasons; they did not know how he longed to be at peace here, how only in solitude did he feel he belonged on Vulcan, like it was his home. He had spent years trying to fit in with the Vulcan children. He had learnt all the teachings or Surek of by heart younger than they had, dedicated his time to the study of science, become accomplished at the Vulcan lute and several complicated ancient melodies. He meditated four hours everyday to rid himself of emotion. He had undergone the initial bonding ceremony with a female from a good house. His great aunt was T'pau the most powerful matriarch on Vulcan. He was from the house of Surek himself. Still he was not accepted as a Vulcan. He had thought that it was his lot, that this separation from others, this lack of belonging was all life had to offer a son of two worlds. _

_Then, two years ago he had been sent to earth and he had made an unlikely alliance, no, an unlikely friendship. Jim. Now he knew acceptance was possible and it made him feel even more segregated, even more lost. He had often wanted to call Jim, to see his friends face again. To talk and banter and say that he missed him, illogical but true. He couldn't though because he had been banned from speaking to him, the com system had blocked his call when he had tried and his father had spent twenty three minutes lecturing Spock on what a bad influence the young human was. If it hadn't been for the car Spock was sure things would be different. But it had happened, the thin green scar where the glass of the broken window had pierced his skin was a constant reminder of that fact. _

_So now, every so often after a particularly bad day when his classmates had taunted him he'd creep out in the middle of the night past the city limits and beyond the expanse of desert land to the mountain. He'd sit all alone feeling the hot air fill his lungs and looking up at the vast pitted surface of t'khut and when he had sat long enough and still enough he could feel the planet moving, spinning unnoticed by all except him but with the planets gravity holding him securely to it's surface. Then he felt he belonged to this planet and that it in part belonged to him. _

Jim present 

Jim braced his hands against the safety bar as they dropped out of warp, his heart seemed to freeze at the sight in front of him, ruined starship. Dead, all those people, between four and eight hundred per a ship, thousands dead. Large piece of debris were moving towards the ship.

"Emergency evasive." Captain pike shouted.

" On it sir." Somebody answered.

The ship sharply turned narrowly skirting through the middle of two large chunks. The ship jerked as it was hit.

"Damage Report!" The captain shouted.

"Deflector shields are holding."

"All stations! Engineer Olsen, report!" Spock shouted and Jim glanced at Spock the sound of command in his tone surprising him. The boy he had known would never have been comfortable commanding.

The ship twisted upside down, the internal gravity keeping them apparently upright but making Jim feel a slightly dizzy queasy unnerved sensation. He could not take his eyes of the huge dish moving towards them, he saw the letters on the metal and knew it was half the saucer section of the U.S.S Trueman. The captain began shouting again.

"Full reverse. Come about Starboard about 90 Degrees. Drop them down underneath them , Sulu."

Jim watched the looming ruined disk the view screen showed them tilting though of course it could not be felt. What was felt was a jolt and even on the bridge they could hear the faint but dreadful sound of metal scraping against metal and being rendered apart.

Then he saw it, a dark shadow against Vulcan's sun. Bigger than he had ever imagined, four times bigger than the largest federation vessels and terrible looking with those many large metal arms reaching out like the poisonous tendrils of a jelly fish or like a giant fanged jaw. It did not show any scaring from it's encounter with the starships, it was completely undamaged as far as Jim could tell, and that made it even more horrific.

This was the ship that destroyed the Kelvin. Inside was the Captain that had ordered it's destruction, the team that had shot at an escape pod as a crew of eight hundred had tried to escape. That had not let up on their bombardment until they had taken out all the ships autopilot systems so a soon to be father had to turn his ship into a missile aimed at their weapons systems so his in labor wife could escape. This was the ship that had killed his Dad just after he was born. He had only had time to name him Jim before he had died. Jim had never got to meet his father, never been hugged by him, or taught to play football or ride a bike by him.

Jim Past

_" He looks just like his father."_

_Jim looked up at the man in the Star Fleet uniform, he had heard this statement several times but he always hated to hear it. He turned to his mother and saw exactly what he expected to see the fake smile below the sad eyes. His mother always had sad eyes whenever anybody mentioned his father, and at these Star Fleet parties people always talked about his father. _

_Jim hated the Star Fleet parties, for one there was nothing for a six year old to do but because his mother could never find a babysitter and the cresh was closed in the evenings he was always forced to go. Two, he was always told to keep out of the way of the adults but there were only adults, the room was full of adults and he wasn't allowed to hide under the buffet table either. The third was that if he stood next to his mother somebody always wanted to talk about his father and she got the sad eyes. If he wondered away from his mother then somebody would always look down at him and talk in a higher pitched voice about what a cute little boy he was and how clever he must be and wow he looks like his Daddy, he was a hero did he know that? A federation hero, known throughout federation space, everybody had loved him when he was alive, he was the funniest, nicest, kindest, most intelligent, handsomest man they had ever met. He had really loved Jim and his mother and his older brother, and Jim should be really proud to be his son, and he was going to grow up to be just like his father._

_Jim didn't like this, he didn't understand how his father could have loved him when he had never met him. His mother loved him but she was alive, she saw him everyday, Sam loved him too in a way, he was also alive and saw him everyday. Jim always thought they had got it wrong that his Daddy had loved his Mommy and his brother but not him, you can't love somebody you don't know. He also didn't know how he was going to turn out just like this his Daddy, he had never met his Daddy. He didn't know if he could be a hero. He had seen a lot of cartoons about heroes. They always had super powers and kept saving the world. Jim didn't know if he could save the world, or even eight hundred people. The world was very big, and in this room full of adults in tidy suites and uniforms Jim felt very very small._

_Love the reviews._


	9. Chapter 9

Here we go again.

**Spock Present**

Spock could not identify the ship that was infrount of him. It was obviously designed for long distances space travel, the size suggested that it was for storing large amounts and considering the distruction around them it had advanced weaponry, maybe to avoid piracy. But there was somehting more abou the ship, the long metal arms reaching out seemed very sinicster. A short high pitched beeping drew his attention back to the sensors.

" Captain, they're locking torpedoes." Spock shouted.

" Divert auxiliary power from port nacelles to forward sheilds."

He saw the torpedoes launch on his rador, they moved fast but it seemed the their young helms man was faster and ship avoided being hit for the first half a dozen torpedoes. Then the ship jerked to the side, Spock clung to the consule in front of him. As he read the ships autom,ated reports coming through he searched his mind finding that small bond he and Nyota shared. She was scared but unhurt, he had no time to comfort her.

"Sulu status report." The captain shouted.

"Sheilds at 32%. Their weapons are powerful, sir. We can't take another hit like that. "

"Get me Star Fleet command."

"Captain the Romulan ship has lowered some kind of high-energy pulse device into the Vulcan atmosphere Its signal appears to be blocking our communications and transport abilities." Spock stated, they would not be able to contact Star Fleet command. They were on their own.

"All power to forwards sheilds. Prepare to fire all weapons."

"Captain we're beimg Hailed." Nyota said.

Spock turned to see the screen flick on the face filling it was similar to a Vulcans, slanted eyebrows, almond shaped eyes and pointed ears ( though one looked as if the tip had been bitten off) but the face was also grosley tattooed. No Vulcan would ever mark their biody in such a way, the man was a Romulan.

"Hello." The Romulan said.

Captain Pike stood up.

"I'm Captain Christopher Pike. To Whom am I speaking?"

"Hi, Cristopher. I'm Nero." The romulan answered.

"You've declared War against the federation. Withdraw, I'll agree to arrange a conference with Romulan leadership at a netral location."

"I do not speak for the empire. We stand apart. As does your Vulcan crew member. Ins't that right, Spock?"

Spock stood up, he had only ever meet one Romulan before, as a child. A girl whm he had taken as a Vulcan child untill he had witnessed her laughing.

"Pardon me, I do not believe that you and I are acquinted."

"We're not. Not yet."

It seemed like the man was talking in riddles. Spock didn't want to think about what the Romulcan had planned for him.

"Spock there's something I would like you to Pike your transporter has been disabled. As you see by the rest of your Armada, you have no will man a huttlecraft and come aboard the Narada for is all."

"He'll kill you. You know that." Jim said.

"Your survival is unlikly." Spock agreed.

Chris looks directly at Spock. He got the distinct feeling that Pike knew exactly what his liklyhood of survival was.

"Captain, we gain nothing by diplomacy. Going over to that ship is a mistake." Jim continued.

"I, Too agree. You should rethink your stratergy."

"I understand that." Pike said. " I need officers who've been trained in advanced hand-to-hand combat.'

"I have traing Sir." The helmsman Sulu answered.

" Come with me. Kirk, you too. You're not supposed to be here anyway."

Spock followed the Captain into the turbolift along with Kirk and Sulu. He was eager to get his instructions from Pike, the possibility of the ship surviving was low let alone being able to help his planet.

He did not have to wait long top recieve his orders, Pike gave clear and consist instructions as they walked to the shuttle bay.

"Without transporters, we can't beam off the ship, we can't assist Vulcan, we can't do our jobs. Mr Kirk, Mr Sulu, Engineer Olson will space-jump from the shuttle. You will land on that machine they've lowered into the atmosphere that's scrambling our gear. You'll get inside, you'll disable it, then you'll beam back to the ship.

Spock glances back at them, he was worried for Jim. The only friend he had ever known was going on a dangerous mission and it was likly that his Captian was going to die. He could not even think of losing Vulcan and his family, he would not be able to hold it together if he did.

**Spock Fifteen years ago**

_Jim had been quiet all night. Spock suspected it had something to do with the phone call he had received just after dinner. Spock had been at the school for eight weeks and one day, during that time he had not known Jim to have received any calls. Spock himself talked to his mother once a week. Anyway, Jim had been withdrawn since that call, Spock hadn't needed to ask him to be quiet for an hour whilst he meditated because Jim had just sat on his bed and read a comic. He turned the pages at a rate almost twice the length as usual showing Spock that he was probably preoccupied, either that or the dialect in Jim's comics had suddenly got harder to read, seeing as Jim was four years ahead in his reading comprehension they would have had to have got a lot harder so Spock decided preoccupied was probably the most likely option. _

_When the lights out bell rang Jim got into his bed and turned to face the wall without his usual way of talking until he fell asleep or Spock very politely and in the Vulcan manner telling him to shut up. Spock got changed into his night clothes, usually Spock would turn and find Jim either looking at him or wondering around the room half undressed, apparently Humans were a lot less concerned about keeping their bodies covered than Vulcans. Tonight he got undressed comfortable in the knowledge that the younger male would not be observing him. Though there was something slightly disconcerting about that thought as well. Spock got into his bed and considered whether he should ask Jim what was wrong or whether he should dismiss it as part of Humans illogical behavioural patterns. _

_His thoughts were interrupted by the noise of shifting blankets, Spock would have just passed it off as him shifting to get comfortable but it was followed by the sound of small feet padding across worn carpeting. A Jim shaped shadow fell over his bed. He felt the covers lift of him._

"_Jim." He said quietly. _

"_Shift over." _

"_To what purpose?" Spock asked but he still moved over to the edge of the bed until he felt the cool airiness of the edge._

_The bed gave a small creak as Jim crawled in to the bed elbowing Spock in the ribs as he did so. Spock had been holding his breath as Jim got into the bed, he tried his best to shift so that no part of Jim would be touching him but to do so would mean him falling out of the bed._

"_It's not catching!" Jim blurted angrily._

"_What isn't? Are you ill Jim?"_

"_Humanity."_

"_Pardon?"_

"_Humanity isn't catching so you don't have to crawl away from me."_

"_I was avoiding unnecessary contact."_

_He gasped as Jim moved close to him, his body still feeling cool against him despite the two layers of clothing between them. Jim laid his head on Spock's chest and draped his arm over him. Spock tried to breath normally but he felt uncomfortable at the contact. The first time he breathed in he could smell Jim, he smelt of cut grass, chips and soap. Spock laid quietly for a few minutes before he decided on what exactly he was going to whisper to Jim._

"_Jim, what are you doing?"_

"_I'm hugging you, you idiot."_

"_I suspected that. Is there a reason that you are hugging me?"_

_Jim buried his nose into Spock's nightshirt. It was sixty nine seconds before he muttered a sentence that was muffled by the fabric._

" _Sam's in hospital."_

"_Your brother is ill?"_

_Jim nodded his head against him._

"_He's got to have an operation, he's got a hole in like.. he's kidney or the sack around it or something."_

"_It sounds like a straight forward surgery."_

_Jim didn't answer. _

"_So you are hugging me because your brother is in hospital?"_

"_I'm hugging you because it makes me feel better. Doesn't hugging people make you feel better?"_

"_Only my mother hugs me, and then not often. Vulcans do not touch each other in a casual fashion."_

" _Doesn't it feel good when she hugs you though?"_

_Spock shifted uncomfortably._

" _My Mom only hugs me when some thing's wrong so it doesn't feel good. She's not coming back to see Sam , I thought she might, but she's not. I wish she was. She never comes home." Jim continued._

"_That is not true you told me she delivered you to this school on your first day, therefore she must have been on the planet."_

"_I just wished that she would come home more often, Mom says that she has to go on the long trips because they pay more, once when I was very little I heard her complaining about life insurance, they didn't pay Mom when dad died because they don't cover homicidal Romulans. Perhaps if they had paid her then she would only have to take the short trips. I Hate Star Fleet."_

"_Lower your voice Jim somebody will hear." Spock said. Jim went silent except for his breathing that was harsher then usual due to him being upset. Spock thought he understood Jim this time, he was scared because his brother was ill and angry at his mother because she wasn't there. Spock understood this, and for some reason it didn't seem so illogical to him. He awkwardly put his arm around the other boy._

"_Spock, will you be my blood brother?"_

"_I do not understand the meaning of that term. We are not related."_

"_It's what you do when you're really good friend with somebody, you promise that you'll be there friend forever and that makes you brothers because you're connected for the rest of your lives."_

_Spock felt a strange feeling raise in his stomach up to his chest, he couldn't identify it but it was between painful and pleasant. Nobody had ever refereed to him as a friend before and he knew the other Vulcan children were happy when he had left for earth, they didn't want to be connected to him forever. Even when he had first touch T'pring's mind four years previously he had felt that she had not wanted to be connected to him, everybody he knew other than his parents would be just as content in their lives if he didn't exist. Except Jim, he's friend, who after only knowing him for eight weeks wanted to be connected to him for the rest of his life._

"_Yes Jim. I would like that."_

**Jim present**

"Mr. Spock, i'm leaving you in command of the Enterprise."

Wow, Jim thought, that little geeky kids going to be in charge of a star ship.

"Once we have transport capability and communications back up, you'll contact starfleet and report what the hells going on here. And if all else fails fall back and rendezous with the fleet in the Laurentian system."

" Kirk I'm promoting you to first officer."

"What?"

Jim had to go over that staement a couple of times in his head wondering if he'd heard correctly. He and Pike had been in contact several times throughout his years at the accademy and it gave him a great sense of cionfidence and pride that Pike had that much faith in him. On the other hand it meant dealing with a stuborn, set in his ways Vulcan.

"Captain?" Spock said surprised."Please, I appologise, the complexities of Human pranks escape me."

Jim held back saying 'hey' admittedly his sudden promotion surprised him but the fact that Spock thought it was some kind of practical joke was just an insult.

**Jim 15 years ago**

_Jim peered over the edge of his book as Spock pulled down the covers of his bed. He was a bit disappointed when the older boy froze and looked across at him, single eyebrow raised as usual._

" _Jim, why is there a plastic arachnid in my bed?" Damn, why did he have to be so Vulcan all the time__? The spider in the bed was a classic and he'd ruined it. Jim frowned at him._

" _It's a practical Joke Spock." He said as if the other boy was truly dense, though Jim knew he wasn't, it was just that Vulcan's didn't joke, something Jim was trying hard to remedy in Spock._

" _You're meant to be scared." Jim explained._

_Spock looked down at the plastic spider then up at Jim again, his expression didn't change._

" _Why would I be scared of a plastic arachnid?"_

" _You're meant to think it's real."_

" _But it isn't very realistic. Even if it was why would I be afraid of a real arachnid? It is too small to be a threat, unless it is meant to be poisonous but I am familiar with all poisonous spiders of this area. This does not represent one of them. If it did I would still not be afraid, none of the poisonous spider in this area are life-threatening they merely cause inflammation, rashes or vomiting. Seeing as I am Vulcan and therefore copper blooded biting me would probably cause the spider more damage than it would me, though all life is precious so that is lamentable."_

_Jim stared open mouthed at his friend for a moment trying to figure out how to reply._

" _Spock get a life." He finally blurted._

_Spock tilted his head to one side as he often did when confused._

" _But I am alive Jim._


	10. Chapter 10

I.E

Hey guys, how's everybody doing? Got another chapter for you, hope you like it. Sorry for the slow updates my computer has blown up, I've got access to a laptop but it's still an awkward situation.

Jim Present

"It's not a prank, Spock. And I'm not the captain, you are. Let's go." The captain said.

Jim looks at Spock, he couldn't help a smug smile at the look of confusion on Spock's face.

Jim followed the Captain and Sulu into the lift.

" Sir, after we knock out that drill, what happens to you?" He asked.

"Well, I guess you'll just have to come and get me. Careful with the ship Spock she's brand new."

Jim watched Spock raise an eyebrow. It was such a familiar gesture that Jim recognized from his childhood and it made him feel slightly uneasy.

They took the turbo lift down to the shuttle bay. They paused at the small mission centre where they collected the equipment needed.

"Suite up." The Captain said walking out of the room. Sulu went to the large wardrobes and opened up.

"You want the anti turbulence pressure suites." Jim instructed pointing to the correct storage shed.

"I know, what color?"

"Blue, it matches my eyes." Jim said fluttering them at Sulu, he hated tense situation and always tried to break them with a joke.

They both turned as the doors slid open again and another young man walked in.

"Engineer Olson. I'm in charge of the charges."

"Right." Jim said, turning his back on them, he was in his boxers and though he had nothing to be embarrassed about ( definitely nothing to be embarrassed about) having somebody walk in on you in the middle of changing always feels slightly awkward. He saw Sulu hand the man a red suite from the corner of his eye. Once they were done changing Jim went tot the small armory and booked out three plasma rifles. Then with a glance between the three of them they hurried to the shuttle bay and after a point and a shout from a pilot they ran up the stairs of shuttle thirty seven. The door slammed shut before they were even seated. Jim pulled on the harness and locked it, he glanced to the front of the ship and could make out Captain Pike in the pilots seat.

"You got the charges, right?" Kirk asked nervously, again it broke that horrid tense silence.

"Oh, yeah. I can't wait to kick some Romulan ass? Right?" Olson replied enthusiastically but unfortunately in a manner that suggested to Kirk a complete lack of intelligence that one would expect from a member of Star Fleet.

"Yeah." Jim answered wondering why the hell he always got stuck with the idiots on missions ( well trainee missions as this was his first reall mission).

"Hell yeah." Olson replied.

Jim heard the buzz of the shuttles com but he could not hear what it said over the whirling of the shuttle starting up. Jim realized as second in command he was in charge of the away mission. He glanced again at Olsen and Sulu. He was responsible for these men, he just hoped that they could take care of themselves. It was obvious Olsen had some kind of a problem. He turned to Sulu.

"So what kind of combat training do you have?"

"Fencing."

Fencing, seriously? Jim didn't expect Romulans to bow to each other before trying to cut each others heads off. It's not like they're are going to place nice with little bendy swords and as far as he can see Sulu didn't even have one of those with him.

"Pre-jump' Captain Pike shouted from the front.

Jim pulled his helmet on and made sure the suction lock was secure. When he heard the Enterprise contact the ship the sound had a slight whispery quality from it having passed through the speakers in his helmet.

"You are clear from U.S.S. Enterprise airspace. "

He turned to see the blast door between the small cock pit and the bay they were in. Jim knew that it was to prepare for the sudden rush of the vacuum but Jim felt a sudden rush of panic on Chris's behalf. The man had got him out from sleeping on friends couches and hitting the bars every night and into Star Fleet, he hadn't seen him many times during his years at the academy but each time he had Chris had taken him out for a drink or at least spent a couple of minutes talking to him sharing words of wisdom like watch out for Adams his a jackass.

"Gentlemen we are approaching the drop zone. We have one shot to land on that platform. "Captain Pike announced through the com system.

The metal handles detached from the ceiling. Six pairs of hands clutched tightly onto those bars and Jim felt his boots suctioned down onto the pad below him.

"They may have defenses so pull your chute as late as possible. "

"Three, Two, One."

The pads there feet were connected to and the metal bars swiveled around so they were now on the ceiling and Jim was staring down at the floor where he could now make out the H shaped lines of the hatch. It was a strange sensation.

"Remember the enterprise won't be able to beam you back up till you turn of that drill. Good luck"

The hatch door opened and they were hanging twelve thousand meters above the curve of a red planet. Hanging down was a metal platform at the end of a long line going down that was what they were aiming for. Then the pressure from the foot pads released and Jim had to let go of the bar though a small part of him really didn't want to. Remembering his training he pulled his arms in so that there would be less resistance once they entered the atmosphere. He was falling ( or rather being pulled by the planets gravity).

There was dead quiet, only the sound of three people breathing Jim himself and the other two coming over the com that linked all the suits to each other and to the Enterprise. As Jim entered the atmosphere he suddenly became burning hot, he immediately was dripping with sweat though he knew that the suit was topping most of it and it was also stopping the strange feeling of being battered constantly it didn't hurt it just winded him.

**Spock present**

Spock watched the view screen in front of him. It was displaying a image of Vulcan and it atmosphere with the platform marked in black hanging above it. On screen moving rapidly were three large colored circles each representing the location of Kirk Sulu and Olsen. Their names were writing next to each little circle and Spock found himself unable to look at any of them other than the blue spot with Jim's name typed next to it. The mission and possibly the fate of Vulcan depended on Jim Kirk a boy who had not only driven a car of a cliff but less than six months later had driven another one into a lake. He was the boy who had put fake spiders into his bed and had on many occasions sneaked out of his room in the middle of the night to steal chocolate and sometimes the P.E kits of the boys who bullied him.

"Away team is entering the atmosphere, Sir." Checkov announced from in front of him. "Twenty thousand meters."

"Approaching the platform at 5,800 meters." He added a few seconds later allowing Spock to figure out just how fast they were falling.

"Distance to target, 5000 meters." Spock started slightly at the sound of Jim's voice. Nyota must have sent the away team communications through the bridge speakers.

"Forty-six hundred meters from the platform." Checkov said. Though Spock had asked for the countdown he could feel the added tension it was causing in the bridge crew. Still he needed to be fully aware of what was going on.

"Forty-five hundred meters to target." This voice Spock recognized as Sulu.

"Four thousand meters." Jim again and Spock found himself holding his breath.

"Three thousand meters." Sulu said it was repeated by a deeper voice that Spock didn't recognize but he discerned it was Ensign Olson.

"Two thousand meters." Jim again.

"Pulling Chute." Sulu announced, Spock quickly did the math's in his head given the size of the target and the speed with which they fell pulling the chute at this point would give them good chances of slowing down enough to make a safe landing.

"Two thousand meters." Spock heard Olson shout, there was something wrong with the voice. It was emotional, Spock would have allowed for fear but this was not fear. It was excitement and it worried him slightly.

"Come on, pull your chute, Olson!" Jim shouted, he could tell from Jim's voice that he had also picked up that there was something wrong.

"No, not yet! Not yet! 1,500 meters!"

"Olson open your chute!" Jim's voice took on a note of command that Spock felt in any other situation he might envy.

"Olson pull your chute!"

Instead of the announcement that Olson's chute had been pulled he heard a manic laugh that sent a sudden bolt of panic down his spine. He suppressed it and turned backwards to glance at Nyota she meet his eyes and frowned. He wondered if something was wrong with Olson, if seeing the torn ships and knowing that all the crews all his classmates were dead had broke something in him. Or maybe the Star Fleets psychological tests needed some serious revision.

"One thousand meters!" Olson was shouting, he was going in too fast to make a safe landing.

Spock waited to see what would happen powerless to do anything until Jim had shut down whatever was blocking their communication and transport capabilities

"Olson!" Spock Heard the panicked shout and looked up on the screen. There were only two circles he checked them carefully to be sure.. One yellow circle almost at the target with the name Sulu typed next to it. The second the little blue dot, with the word Kirk next to it. The red circle was gone, a man was dead. Spock had been responsible for the life of that man, he had been a member of his crew, once this was all over he would have to write a letter to the man's family. He did not know what to put, Captain Pike would, he would write something about bravery and dying in combat to save lives but instead he had died from reckless stupidity. He had been through the training he knew the dangers. Still Spock could not think of that now. He had the rest of the crew to look after.

"Ol..Olson is gone sir." Checkov announced shocked. It has only been several seconds since Spock realized this himself but he has already assimilated the news and was preparing himself for the next eventuality.

Jim current

Olson is gone, Jim just stares. He can't quite believe it but he saw it with his own eyes. The man pulled his chute too close to the metal disk, he screamed as he bounced along the top of the disk unable to grab hold of anything. He saw the man skid of the end, even heard the final scream and saw the small puff of black smoke but still, he didn't quiet believe it. But he was a Star Fleet officer, he was trained to continue whatever happened and that's what he did.

He saw the disk coming closer and bent his knees slightly ready to land. He hit it harder than he expected and lost his footing, the heavy chute was caught in the wind and was pulling him towards the edge. His hands scrabbled along the metal, there were so many bridges and holes in the metal but he couldn't seem to gain a grip. For an instant he felt terror at the thought that he might fall into that energy stream just like Olson. It would be quick, but Jim didn't want quick, he didn't want his life to mean so little to the universe that it could be there one minute and gone the next. It couldn't be that easy to kill him. He glimpsed a flash of fire beside him and something in him snapped, his usual determination fell back into place. He would live and he would get the job done. He found a grip on some metal crating and hit the chute recall button the force dragging him backwards immediately stopped as he the chute refolded itself into the backpack on his back. He jumped to his feet pulled his helmet off and took a deep breath of air, all those panicked emotions disappeared the instant he had found his footing, he had always found it easy to put things behind him even seconds after they had happened. There was only one he had never been able to forget.

A movement in front of him caught his eyes, a hatch was opening. A puzzled tough looking Romulan was looking up at him. He knew that this Romulan would kill him in a blink of an eye and he had a weapon. Jim was running before he knew what he was dong. The Romulan was on his feet when Jim reached him, he grabbed the long ugly looking gun with some kind of blade on it and tried to push the Romulan backwards but it was like trying to push a brick wall over with your bare hands. The Romulan sets off the gun and it's so loud Jim wants to cover his ears. Above him he glimpses a yellow blur of Yellow that was Sulu landing. He somehow managed to knock the Romulans grip on the gun and immediately reached for his phaser but it was immediately knocked from his hand and skidded off the edge of the platform.

He kept swinging at the Romulan. Hitting him with his heavy helmet but it seemed to have no effect and Jim hoped he was at least slowing him down. He swore inwardly to himself as he saw another of those pointy eared unkempt looking Romulans appear from out the hatch. He spared a second to look around hoping Sulu had landed but with a sinking feeling he saw him going off the edge the chute catching on the platform.

Jim kept trying to hold his own against the Romulan. Trying to block his attacks and land a few hits of his own as he tried to think off that one little thing he needed to turn this into a wining situation. There had to be something there was always something.

Suddenly Sulu is there and back flipping over the second Romulan with some kind of a long blade in his hand. Jim is glad that there now on an equal fitting in numbers at least, he still felt like he was getting a good punishment though, he was surprised his jaw and nose weren't broken as they'd taken a lot of hard hits and stung like hell, his eyes were watering from the pain but he only registered the pain somewhere deep in his mind all his energy and focus were on turning the tables on this mammoth Romulan. He found himself thrown to the floor then picked up by the scruff of his neck punched in the face and fell dazed to the floor again. Not really thinking he got to his feet and tried to jump onto the Romulan, the Romulan took his forwards movement and used it to fling him over his shoulder causing him to land hard on his back. He let out a small groan before he can find his feet again there was a hard kick to his side and he rolled within a split second he was aware that he was close to the edge of the platform and he felt nothing beneath him. He was dangling by his fingers from the edge of the platform. The Romulan came into his view and sneered down at him, he knew what was coming. The Romulan lifted his lag and tried to stamp down on his hand Jim let go just as his foot came down and used all his body strength to swing his arm back up to keep a two handed rip on the platform. If he lost his grip with either hand he was a goner. He was already starting to feel the strain in his upper arms before the Romalan stamped his foot down a second time. He didn't know how he was going to get himself out of this one he could still hear the grunts and clangs of the sword fight going on in the background. He was distracted by a dreadful scream followed by the sound that Kirk identified as the fire grill letting out excess heat energy. The Romulan took full advantage of his distraction he stamped on his hand, Jim grunted in pain feeling the bones of his finger snap. But even as he was linking his eyes trying to clear the dizzy nauseous feeling that had rushed over him he hears another scream. He looked up and saw the Romulans face distorted in pain there was a blade dripping with yellowish green blood pointing out of his chest. He saw the body crumple and fall, it was so close to him he could feel the disturbance n the air.

Sulu had now taken the place of the Romulan, Jim felt a rush of relief.

"Give me your hand." Sulu shouted. "Come On."

Jim felt drained and beaten, every part of his body ached and he knew he had several broken ribs and broken fingers but he put the last bit of energy he had to swing his arm upwards and grasped Sulu's hand with those broken fingers. Sulu heaved him upwards and he swung his leg up hooking his foot into a indent he could feel in the metal. He was glad to feel the strangely warm metal below him but pushed himself upwards to stand on shaking legs. He gasped for breath feeling his lungs ach with the rest of his body from the exhausting motions of he last three minutes.

"Olsen had the charges." Sulu said bringing his mind back to the task at hand.

"I know." Kirk said having to shout over the sound of the rush of energy beneath them. He looked around him trying to figure out how they were going to destroy the strange contraption. He saw their plasma rifles lying a few feet from them. He looked over the platform and the thick metal line that it was dangling from. He saw some exposed wires and tubing, it was a risk but it was the best chance that they had. He grabbed the plasma rifle.

"What do we do?" Sulu asks as he makes a dive for the rifle.

"This." Jim shouted aiming the rifle at where their was a large area of exposed tubing hopes it's wasn't going to be filled with gas and explode in his face. Sulu copied him.

For a moment nothing seemed to be happening except for some sparks flying out the machine but then the metal beneath their feet started to shake and Jim heard everything go quiet. The energy beam had stopped. They'd done it, the moment of elation lasted for just that, a moment.

Jim heard a strange rushing whirling sound and looked up just in time to see the flash of something falling past the platform he ran to the edge and looked down. He had absolutely no idea what the spinning star shaped object was that was falling down into the hole that had been drilled in the planets crust but he knew it couldn't be anything good. It kind of reminded him of a mine of some sorts,

He pressed the button on the wrist of his suit.

" Kirk to Enterprise they just launched something into the planet through the hole they just drilled. Do you copy me Enterprise?"

"Yes sir."

Spock Present

Spock waited as everybody on the bridge rushed between stations and talked nervously. He had asked for a determination on what the Romulans were doing to the planet. It took him almost two minutes to get an answer, it came from Checkov.

"Captain, gravitation sensors are off the scale, if my calculations are correct then they're creating a singularity."

Spock's mind seemed to freeze for a split second then he felt a strange tightness in his stomach.

Checkov turned in his chair and meet his eyes.

"That will consume the planet."

He wanted to deny the words he had just heard, deny the possibility that there was a singularity in the centre of Vulcan. But he knew that at the centre of the Vulcan culture was logic, at the centre of logic is the ability not to deny the truth however distasteful or horrible the truth was.

"They're creating a black hole at the centre of Vulcan." He asked seeking the confirmation and hoping it would clear his mind.

"Yes sir."  
Spock accepted the feelings of panic he was experiencing, he accepted it and he allowed himself to ignore it and to consider the steps needed to evacuate the planet as stabilsation would not be a possibility. He thought about it in the terms of priorities of not merely saving the largest number of the population but to save the core of the their culture so that they would survive and not just dissipate over time.

"How long does the planet have?"

"Minutes sir, minutes."

Spock was immediately on his feet, he knew what he must do. He had to go to the Katric Ark he had to make sure the elders, the religious and cultural leaders would be there. As would his parents. His Mother and Father, there had been little contact between them since Spock's decision to join Star Fleet, two brief visits a few calls every year. How trivial their arguments seemed now.

**Spock, 8 years ago.**

_There was a tear sliding down his mother's cheek. Spock watched it's moist path, though his mother was Human she had been living on Vulcan for long enough to know how to hide her emotions. She rarely cried, it distressed him slightly to know that on this occasion he was the cause of it. It could not be helped though, he had to leave Vulcan. He knew now that he would always be an outsider here, it had always been that way but he thought it would be different at the science academy. He thought that he would be respected for his achievements not for his D.N.A. When the dean of the admissions board had announced that there was one exception to his perfect record he had thought he was going to bring up his time in the Earth school and time missed after the accident but instead he just mentioned his application to Star Fleet. He had not known that the application, made as a backup would become his future. That was why he was stood here in front of his mother one week later, packed and ready to leave for earth. The Star Fleets academy's term did not start for another two weeks but since he had turned down the opportunity to go to the science academy his father had not said one word to him. He decided it was best to leave and spend some time on Earth readjusting to the climate and gravity so it did not disturb his first few weeks of study. _

_His mother stared up at him, despite the tears her eyes held their usual warm affection._

_"I think you have made a good decision Spock, your father may not approve but you are your own person." _

_"It may offer an opportunity to examine newly discovered spacial anomalies." Spock said limply. His mother laid her hands on his chest as she was in the habit of doing when they were having what for humans would be emotional moments._

_"Have courage in your convictions Spock."_

_"I do mother."_

_He took his eyes off the floor to look at her. He knew it was time to go but he did not know what to say._

_"You will be fine Spock."_

_"I have managed to survive on earth once before."_

_They were quiet for a moment._

_"I believe it is time to go." Spock said._

_His mother gave a slight nod, another tear escaping from her eyes._

_"I love you son."_

_"I love you too mother."_

_She reached over for a bundle of fabric that was on the table next to them, she unfolded it and Spock saw it was a red scarf._

_"I imported the wool and knitted it myself." She said as she hung it around his neck. "It's the same color as the cadet uniforms."_

_"Thank you mother. Goodbye."_

_" Goodbye son. I'll tell your father you said goodbye to him."_

"_But I did not."_

_"I know but I'll say it anyway."_

Jim current

With the energy beam stopped Jim knew the transporter capabilities should be up and running and he was desperate to get back on the ship and have walls around him not just air, hopefully before the Romulans decided to take a trip down to see why their drill (because that's what Jim figured it was now) wasn't working. He even wanted to hear Bones teasing as he knitted his broken bones back together and inject him with painkillers, dear bones had injected himself with so many things today that he must think Christmas had come early.

"Kirk to enterprise beam us out of here."

"Stand by locking on your signal." A female voice answered, Kirk was so relived he thought that even though he knew he looked like shit he would do some flirting with the girl in the transporter room who belonged to that voice, she sounded busty.

His pleasant thoughts were disturbed when he felt the platform beneath him shift. Big metal beams that were holding the platform in place started to retract moving upwards like giant ugly spiders legs. Jim fell to his knees bashing the only part of his body that wasn't previously aching (well there was one other undamaged place left, something Jim was very thankful for).

"I can't lock on sir." The girl on the com said but Jim wasn't really listening because he was watching Sulu stumble backwards and fall off the platform. Jim was running forwards to help him before he could think about it.

"Don't move, don't move." The girl said sounding stressed.

He reached to the edge a dove off as if he were at the academy's swimming pool. He was falling again but this time he didn't take in any of the sensations. His attention was focused entirely on Sulu. He pulled his arms in so he would fall faster, Sulu had his arms out to increase wind resistance so he would be falling slower the Jim.

"Sulu!"

**Jim 15 years ago**

_Jim reached the surface of the pond and gasped for breath. He looked around him panic rising with every second that the moonlit surface remained still and glass like. Spock was still down there. He took a deep breath and dove back down into the water, he swam downwards deeper than any swimming pool he had ever been in. His lung started to ache but he kept propelling himself downwards, struggling against the weight of the water, he'd never realized how much water weighed before. His eyes searched through the hazy dark water searching for the darker shape at the bottom of the pool but he couldn't see anything. Spock was dying, he had to save Spock, he couldn't let his friend die._

**Jim present**

He rugby tackled Sulu in midair their bodies slamming together with a force that knocked the breath out of him but he'd got him. He was going to be safe.

"I gotcha, now pull my chute." Jim shouted through the noise of the air rushing past them.

He heard the blast of the chute as it released. He felt the sudden jerking sensation but then found he was still falling at the same speed. As they twisted in the air he saw the blue material of the chute being blown away. Danm, if he survived he was so suing the fleet.

"Enterprise, we're falling without a chute, beam us up." Kirk shouted through the microphone set into his g-force suit.

"I'm trying but I can't get a lock onto your signal you're falling to fast."

Jim was filled with a sudden and very real dread, the kind he had only felt twice in life. Once when he drove his dad's car of a cliff the second time when he had been trapped underwater with Spock.

"BEAM US UP!"

Though they were twirling as they fell he could see the ground below them crumbling, the surface of the planet collapsing in on itself only giving them further to fall into a pit of molten rock.

"Hold on, hold on hold on." The voice was different, male with a strong accent.

"Now now now!" Jim said, part prayer, part mantra, part demand. "Do it now, now, now, now, now."

"Yes, hold on…. compensating gravitational pull and.."

He felt that familiar tingling sensation of the transporter but the grounds so close he didn't know whether they were going to make it. He closed his eyes then feels his body hit the ground, there's a crack but he doesn't think it's his bones and it hurts a lot less than it should. He hears something shouted and although he does not know the word it sounds elated and triumphant. He allows his eyes to open a crack and for a moment sees only white light which is definitely wrong if his crazy grandmother was right then he should have been expecting flames. Then his head clears slightly and his heartbeat stops thudding in his ears so hard and he realizes that he is indeed in the transporter room of the Enterprise. They made it.

"Thanks." He heard Sulu say. Jim struggled to his feet, every part of him ached but he was safe. Sulu was safe and the figure that had just appeared in the transporter room was safe.

"No problem." Jim gasped trying to catch his breath

"Clear the pad I'm beaming to the surface."

Jim heard Spock command; he took a few steps off the pad and looked up at Spock. His statement just seemed to worm itself into his tired mind. He couldn't possibly have heard right. Spock couldn't be going to Vulcan the whole planet seemed to be crumbling. And Spock was the captain of the Enterprise, he couldn't leave it, regulations said he shouldn't leave it.

"The surface of what, what are you going down their, are you nuts? You can't do that, Spock SPOCK!"

Spock didn't pay any attention, he folded his body into a graceful Vulcan pose said energize and disappeared leaving Jim stood staring at the space where he had been mere seconds before.

* * *

Reviews please. The whole what happened to Spock and Kirk when they were kids will be answered in the chapter after next in case anybodies starting to find the constant hinting annoying it will come to light soon.


	11. Chapter 11

_Of innocence and experience.  
_

It's a short one but I think the death of Spock's mother has to be given a chapter of it's own.

Spock Present

Spock did not see anything except the gap in the mountains above him. He was vaguely aware of his heart beating fast . His footsteps falling heavily on the ground. The air that whipped around him was hotter than usual for Vulcan. But as the ground grew steeper and his chest began to ache with lack of air the opening to the katric arch was getting closer. The ground below his feet started to shout as he entered the long tunnel, as a child he had been awed by the statues lining this huge cavernous space but now he felt nothing but a determination to find his parents. He entered the large hall at the centre of the mountain saw the group o elders circling the katric stream.

"Spock!"

His mother had spotted him and he now saw her with his father behind the katric stream. He ran up the steps till he was sure they would hear him over the sound of falling rocks and strange sounds like the tearing of earth and stone.  
" The planet has only seconds left. We must evacuate." Spock said.

The Vulcan elders looked at each other then they all seemed to agree silently that decorum could be thrown out the window on this occasion and they started to run towards the exit. Spock saw hi mother faulter a look of panic and fear on her face. He ran to her and took her hand.

"Mother, now."

Kirk Present

Jim could not stop staring at the spot where Spock had disappeared. He was scared. He was scared he wouldn't come back. He had accused him of cheating, brought his fathers death up in front of the whole academy. He had thought that it was a joke when Pike had made him second in command. But even though he had nothing in common with the child he had known every time Jim looked at Spock he saw both passed and presence; both the man and the child.  
The minutes seemed as long as hours and Jim's hand gave a twinge of pain to remind him of his broken fingers and bruised ribs. Jim knew he should move, knew that whilst Spock was down there he was in charge and he ought to do something because at the moment he had no idea who had command but half the bridge staff were in this room waiting to see if Spock made it off the planet in time.

"Spock to Enterprise. Get us out now."

At his voice over the intercom Jim felt a surprising wave of relief, almost as intense as when he had been falling and he had felt the tingling of the transporter all around him.

Spock Present.

He could feel the transporter around him and for an instant he thought they were going to be safe. But then his mother turned to him with a look that seemed to be trying to convey something to him and he realized, just a second to late that she was to close to the crumbling edge of the mountain.  
She fell.

Kirk Present

"I'm losing her, I'm losing her. Ah I lost her."

Jim looked at the young ensign, Chekov he thought his name was. He saw the boy look down at the floor wide eyed and lost and knew that somebody had died during transport. But he had said 'she' so Spock was still alive and it was one of the elders who had died.

He watched the transporter as the gold sparks multiplied and the shapes of body took form inside them then people appeared. Spock was at the front. He had his hand stretched out in front of him. As he turned to stare down at the empty space on the transporter pad Jim suddenly realized who it was who was missing, Spock's mother. Jim stared at the look on Spock's face, it was a look of being completely lost. Jim felt his heart sink down to his stomach, Spock was in pain.

Kirk 15 years ago

_Jim looked down at the green vinyl floor; it was the really old kind that was no longer green, or vinyl for that matter. He felt the tickle of his tears as they ran down his nose and dripped onto that depressing flooring. He did not know what was going on, he watched as nurses ran into the room next to him. He wasn't allowed in that room, and the nurses would not tell him how Spock was, or even if he was still alive. When he had lain beside him Spock had been warm and his breath had been kind of sweet smelling a tickly. But when the ambulance men had come he had been cold and even paler than usual and the breath was kind of rasping and there had been no breath at all before Jim had pushed hard on his chest hoping to get all the water out like he had seen in a film. The nurses had wrapped him in a blanket and given him a bar of chocolate and a cup of a hot milky drink. Jim had not drunk it or eaten the chocolate. Nor would he take any of the icky medicines that would stop the murky pond water making him ill. He did not deserve to eat chocolate, he deserved to be cold and wet and too get ill. _

_He heard rushed taping heels. He didn't look up but as he saw the lower half of legs come into his view he knew these were not the nurses. And if they were not the nurses then they might be Spock's parents. That thought terrified him. When they had shut the door he looked up and peered through the window, it had got light outside so he must have been sat there for a long time. The door suddenly slammed back open. He looked up to see Mrs Seymour looking down at him. She was very mad. _

"_Mr. Kirk, I contacted your guardian some time ago and told him that you had been in an accident and were in the hospital refusing treatment and that you were no longer welcome at our school. He has not yet com me back but I have rung him again and left a message with his place of work and with your grandmother so I'm sure somebody will be here to connect you soon._

"_Is Spock alright? Is he very ill?"_

_"Perhaps Mr. Kirk that was something you should have considered before your little joy ride."_

"_Please.." Jim begged as Mrs Seymour turned on her heel and left him sat there._

_He had fallen asleep the next time the door opened but his nervous mind jerked itself awake as he felt somebody wrap another blanket around him. He opened his eyes expecting to see a nurse but found himself looking at a strangely dressed woman with tanned skin and long dark hair and worried warm brown eyes that looked puffed up and red as if she had been crying. He stared up at her._

"_Is Spock alive?" He asked worried something had happened whilst he had slept._

_She gave a sad little smile._

"_Yes. He's going to be alright. We're taking him back to Vulcan when he's better so he's out of the cold."_

_Jim nodded slowly._

"_But he will be alright?"_

_"Yes."_

_"Jim. Spock is very tired and has not been to clear on what happened. Can you tell me?"_

_"It was my fault." Jim said his eyes welling up with tears again._

_Spock's mother, as that was who Jim was sure this was, squeezed his hand a little bit._

"_You did pull him out the lake, and I'm thankful for that."_

_Jim knew she was trying to comfort her but the fact that he had managed to get Spock out the lake _

_no where near made up for the fact that he had ended up in the lake because of Jim anyway._

_The door opened again and Jim looked up (way up as the man was a giant) to a very stern face staring down to him. He had the feeling that this man hated him with a.. Vulcan like dispassion._

"_Can.. can I see Spock?" Jim asked._

"_I do not think that would be wise. "_

"_I..uh, can't I applogise."_

"_I'll pass the message on Jim." Spock's mother said._

"_Amanda, our son has asked for you."_

_Amanada placed her hand on her husbands arm and they both turned to go into Spock's room. Jim wanted to shout out to them and beg them to let him see Spock but he was scared of the stren Vulcan man._


	12. Chapter 12

I'm back, sorry for the wait. Broken arm, metal splints… and the fact that I keep starting new stories without finishing other first does not help. Anyhow, this one is dedicated to Spock's mom. It'll be back to Spock/Kirk next chapter.

* * *

_He was too young to speak, but if he had not been he may have started singing along. That noise from that familiar voice, it was the first thing to hold his young attention for more than thirty seconds. He crawled to the other side of the playpen his knees (not that he knew they were knees ) slipped slightly on the rubbery material. When he got to the other side he could see his through the netting. He had just started to make noises that pleased his, noises that seemed to connect to different things. His responded when he said 'Momma' because that's what his was. His was, well his, whenever he needed anything his brought it. Whenever he was scared his appeared, his took away the uncomfortable feelings with foods and soft blankets. His was making noises, pleasing noises and he tilted his head to the side so that he could hear the noises._

_"Oh kiss me out of the bearded barley,_  
_Nightly , beside the green, green grass_  
_Swing, swing, swing the spinning step_  
_You'll wear those shoes and I will wear that dress_

_Oh, kiss me beneath the milky twilight_  
_Lead me out on the moonlit floor_  
_Lift you open hand"_

_"Momma."_

_His walked towards him._

_"Hey sweet baby. You want to sing with me?"_

_It was his first memory._

* * *

Time stopped. Heartbeat and breathing stopped. Spock could see his hand stretch in front of him. But he was no longer on the mountain.

* * *

_"Spock!"_

_Spock paused. He had been trying to get to his bedroom before his mother saw him. It had not worked. Spock turned to see his mothers look of concern._

_"Hello mother."_

_"Spock what happened? Have you been fighting?"_

_Spock considered how to answer that, He could not technically answer in the affirmative because he had not punched any of the boys who had jumped on him after dance class. They had merely hit him. They had not yet learnt Surek's principles. They saw the fact that Spock could not move in the same way as them , that his five year old limbs just seemed to want to quiver and make him fall over as a reason to hit him._

_"No mother. I have not been fighting a more closer description would be that I have been beaten up."_

_He looked down as he saw his mothers eyes mist over with tears. He hated the show of emotion, and it was not because emotion was not usually displayed on Vulcan. It was because it made his stomach hurt when his mother cried and sometimes his vision blurred itself with unshed tears._

* * *

_Spock looked across at the young girl. She was his age and like most kids his age he could not identify with her in anyway. She seemed so closed off to him. He was going to be linked to this girl for the rest of his life yet when there parents introduced them and Spock nodded to her she just stared at him._

_Spock had glanced nervously at his mother as he had taken the girls hand, the first time he had ever had physical contact with anybody outside his family. The priestess had chanted over them and then Spock saw into the girls mind. It was a dizzying experience to be one person with one mind and then to feel the emotions of an other in your head. But through all the co0nfgusion and the vague impressions of memories one thing stood out. She hated him. A hate that Spock didn't know existed in Vulcans. She thought he was weak, stupid ,not good enough for her. But above all for one single reason she hated him because of his mom._

_On the way home Spock sat quietly._

_"Spock?" His mother said looking back to him._

_"Yes mother?"_

_"Is there something the matter?"_

_"She does not like me."_

_"Why would you say that?"_

_Spock had never lied before. Vulcan's believe in the truth above all else. But Spock did not want to hurt his mother, she was the best mother in the known universe. Though that could not be empirically tested. He did not want her to know that her future daughter in law thought she was a second class citizen just because she was Human._

_"She did not seem willing to talk." Spock told his first ever lie._

_"Oh, I'm sure she's just shy."_

* * *

_"I am sorry that I have disappointed you mother."_

_"You have not disappointed me Spock. You could never disappoint me."_

* * *

Spock looked down to the pad where his mother should have been standing. She was not there. He could not believe it but it was true. She was not there.

* * *

_Spock's head hurt. He opened his eyes to blinding light. He looked around, he was in a hospital. The last thing he could remember was his aching lungs finally making him take a breath and salty tasting water filling his lungs. He had resigned himself to death comforted slightly by the knowledge that his friend was safe. Jim was safe._

_"Spock?"_

_The voice was soft and familiar. He looked to the side to see his mother sat looking down at him with tired eyes._

_"It's okay now Spock."_

_"Yes mother it seems that it is. May I inquire as to what happened?"_

_"You were in a car accident Spock."_

_"Yes mother I am aware of that. But I am also aware that my foot was trapped and I could not get out."_

_"The little boy, Jim he pulled you out."_

_"Jim went back for me?"_

_"Yes."_

_"He should not have put himself in danger. Is he alright?"_

_"Yes Spock. He's fine, he's outside."_

_"May I see him."_

_"No." The voice was deep forbidding. Spock did not need to look to know it was his father._

_"The boy put your life in considerable danger you shall never see him again."_  
_Spock knew he could not argue._

_It was the last time he cried, the last time his mother brushed the tears from his eyes and placed soft kisses to his forehead._

* * *

He took a step towards the pad and glanced back to his father. The pain in his eyes was clear. His mother was gone.

* * *

_"You're perfect the way you are Spock. Don't ever change."_

_"I am confused mother." Spock looked down. He felt slightly ashamed. He knew he had to discuss the problem with_ _somebody and he had a feeling his mother wo0uld understand more than anybody else._

_"What is it Spock?"_

_"I know I am engaged to be bonded. Yet, there is a young lady. I do not know why I have allowed myself to become linked to her in a way that is deeper than friendship. "_

_"You're in love Spock."_

_Love is not held in the highest regard on Vulcan, it is one of the most illogical of emotions. It cannot be measure or quantified and although certain hormones are linked to it a lot is still unknown. Yet his mothers voice was full of more _pride than he had ever heard before.

_"Mother, what would your advice be?"_

_"Follow your heart Spock."_

_"Mother, I would dishonor father even further if I chose to end my engagement with T'pring."_

_"Spock, you would dishonor me if you did not allow yourself a chance at true love."_

* * *

Spock looked up. Kirk was there. He looked at Spock with shock and sympathy.

* * *

_"I love you."_

_"Love is an emotion mother. "_


End file.
